Valentine’s Day is literally right around the corner — are you stressed yet?

Having just got over the stress of nailing our New Year’s kiss, we’re already behind on making sure we have the most romantic night of our entire lives — probably because we spent too much time doing our makeup.

It’s time to take matters into our own hands and do what we do best: plan our lives around a man.

In a relationship? You’ve already won!

Only been on a couple of dates? Better start planning the wedding.

Single? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Stressed yet? Just breathe. There might still be time to guarantee the awkward dinner date of your dreams.

Keep your libido intact

For the love of ‘Oh God!’, don’t let the stress of going back to your usual routine completely kill your sex drive. Science has proven that Valentine’s sex will literally be the best sex you ever have, so you want to make sure you and your libido are ready for it.

Find yourself a man… FAST

You have one shot, one opportunity, to seize the man of your dreams…

Girl, this is your year! Tweeting about being alone on V-day is so last year. This year be bold: swipe right on that “meh, would date if he was the last man on earth” guy.

Be brave: Keep your eyes locked on a target at a bar until he has to come over and talk to you to get you to stop because it’s getting really creepy.

Be you: Or, you know, a slightly less awkward version of you — and you’ll be fine.

Shop for a date night outfit that’s the perfect combination of sexy and too expensive to sit down in

If you thought getting a guy to take you out on a date was hard… honey, there is so much you need to learn. Have you even thought about the vibe you want to give off? Heels or flats? Dress or jeans and a nice top? What’s your beauty concept? Where is he even taking me? Where is this even going? WHAT ARE WE? WHO AM I? WHAT IS THE MEANING OF LIFE?

Buy the ultimate Valentine’s Day gift

Why not even go as far as a wedding promise ring? It’s a special day.

Do you hate Valentine’s Day with a passion? Have a party to celebrate

Nothing says “fuck Valentine’s Day” like a Fuck Valentine’s Day party. Strategically plan a guest list of all your single girlfriends (and, when you realize all your friends are actually in a relationship, a few single girls you kind of know) and a ton of hot single guys you found on Craigslist.

Champagne and t-shirts which say “I don’t need a man to love me because I love myself” for everyone!

Go out with the girls and have fun, you know you just wanna

As long as your phone is fully charged and you can document the entire night on every form of social media. Try your best to prove you don’t give a fuck about this national holiday and only need your girls in your life.

Suggested photo captions include: ‘All I need is my squad,’ ‘Hoes before bros,’ and ‘Galentine’s Day!!’

Now are you stressed? Good. This should really be the only thing on your mind.