What it’s like to get engaged at 21
‘About five people were proud of us for making the decision to get married’
When you see engagement announcements and pictures of huge diamond rocks on social media, the first thing that you probably say is “congratulations!” — but when the girl with the ring is only 21, that may not be the first thing you think. Right?
For many women in their 20s, marriage (or even a serious relationship) simply isn’t a priority at the moment, so for those who decide to tie the knot a solid decade or so before everyone else, it can be simultaneously alienating and exciting to blaze the bridal trail. But you know what they say — when you know, you know. Even if your family, friends and social media onlookers aren’t always 100% convinced.
Here’s what three under-23 brides had to say about being the one of the first to get engaged.
Emma Arnault, 22, New Hampshire
Emma and Ethan Arnault got engaged at 19 and married at 21
What kind of support did you receive?
Did you ever feel alienated from your friends who were single or not engaged yet?
I think some of my friends felt more alienated from me than I did from them when we first got engaged. People automatically made the assumption that I was now judging their choices to go hook up with a guy at a bar because I was getting married. I was and am in a different place than most of my friends, but I’m not comparing our decision making. Some of my friends started to feel like they were behind in life because they didn’t have that boyfriend locked down, but each person will do things in his or her own time.
How is married life now?
Carissa Tom, 22, NYC
Carissa Tom and Jeremy Leong have known each other for four years
How does it feel being engaged at 22?
I am so incredibly excited to be engaged! I’m at peace with getting married to Jeremy at 22, not because I’m so incredibly in love with him and think that we’ll complete each other in any way, but because I have confidence in his character, his relationship with the Lord, and that he is the man that I want to go through all the messy and challenging refinement with that comes with marriage.
What kind of support did you receive from family and friends?
Everyone has been so happy and excited for me, which has been so meaningful to me. Among my friends, it doesn’t seem shocking because we have many friends, of similar ages, who are also engaged or getting engaged.
Did you ever use to think differently of people getting engaged early?
YES. New York City, statistically, is one of the oldest-marrying states. Having grown up there my entire life, I not only expected to get married later on in life, but I totally looked down upon young engagements. I used to say that people who got married young were bored and had nothing better to do. To be fair though, I think there is a lot of wisdom and discernment that needs to go into getting married and I think it’s totally possible for a young couple to jump into marriage for unwise reasons.
Enid Roman, 21, NYC
How long have you both been together?
Before we got married, Adam and I knew each other for five years. We started dating in 2010 for two years, then separated for one year, and then got back together again for two years. Adam was 23 and I was 20 when we got engaged, about one month later we got married through City Hall. We have been married for one year and 10 months.
What kind of support did you receive?
Support was crucial because I don’t understand why everyone thought the “traditional way is best” to wait until you’re 35 to get married and have kids. A lot of people told Adam that he should have never gotten married so young. About five people were proud of him for making the decision to get married. His father helped us a lot financially.
What would you say about people who criticize others for getting married early?
Those who critique have things that they don’t like about themselves, so to make themselves feel better they critique others. We just love harder. Love wins.