Brace yourselves: Martin Shkreli might be coming to your school

While he’s not busy policing thots, getting trolled or maybe tacitly trying to kill people by jacking up the cost of their medicine, human marionette doll Martin Shkreli wants to come to your school — or any school, actually.

Let’s look past his transparent plea to DJ (by which he means hitting shuffle on the Spotify Workout Twerkout playlist). What would he talk about on a university speaking tour? How to staple the face of Michael Jackson’s wax figure crudely over your own? Having a sixth grade level appreciation of Wu-Tang?

Shkreli’s only stipulation is that your school has to be completely OK with letting him speak. So in other words, he won’t be coming to your school. Actually, I know one university who would love to have him. Oh wait, they shut it down.