Every kind of kiss you could have on New Year’s Eve
It’s one of the most high-pressure kisses you’ll have: less intense than your wedding day but considerably more than the one in your high school play — or on any other night of the year. And the worst part is you have to do it every year.
Superstition tells us that the first person we encounter in the new year will determine how good or bad our luck will be for the full upcoming 365. So yeah, the pressure is on. Pick someone good or forever be doomed to another year of realizing things.
The rando kiss
It’s 11:59 and you’re fucking panicked. People are counting down, fireworks are about to go off and your lipstick is woefully intact. The only recourse is to grab the nearest hot stranger, assault him with your mouth and pray that he doesn’t have an equally hot girlfriend (or boyfriend) coming around the corner with two champagne flutes. If your life was a romantic comedy, this beautiful stranger would turn out to be your soulmate. But it isn’t, he isn’t and you’ll probably just end up adding each other on Snap and then never speaking again.
The GBF kiss
Hands-down, your gay best friend is the absolute greatest person to kiss on New Year’s Eve. It’s all the dgaf of a bestie kiss but to unaware strangers, you totally got with the hottest guy at the party who might or might not be wearing a subtle amount of artfully applied Champagne Pop highlighter.
The longterm boyfriend kiss
It’s comfortable, sweet and little boring — just like your relationship. Still, it can’t be discounted how convenient it is to know in advance exactly who you’ll be kissing, as it gives you a smug air of secure superiority as you look around at the non-loved-up masses clutching champagne glasses and searching for a lip-lock partner at 11:57 p.m.
The new flame kiss
Taking your new boo out for NYE might just make for the most exciting kiss you could possibly have. It’s still fresh enough to feel exciting and little nerve-wracking, but you’re comfortable and secure in the fact that your shared cab will be making just one stop that night.
The bestie kiss
You’re both strong, independent women who don’t need no man — not on the other 364 nights of the year and certainly not on NYE. Yeah, it’s kind of a cop-out, but she’s been your main ride-or-die for the entire year so why wouldn’t she be your pick to ring in the new one?
The ??? kiss
You definitely kissed someone. Or so you’ve been told. Honestly, you don’t remember the details. And by details, you mean literally any of it. You were blackout by 11:30 (respect) and you don’t even remember which party you were at, much less the stranger you kissed. At least you didn’t roll over to find them next to you this morning, right? It’s the little things.
The regrettable acquaintance kiss
All the primal fear of the Rando Kiss with none of the guts. You needed someone to kiss lest you’re branded lame af for the entire upcoming year, so you picked a random acquaintance. Or an ex. Or your friend’s brother. It doesn’t matter which brutal, regrettable mistake you made — it matters that you now wish you had died at birth so as to not suffer the horror of next-day embarrassment. Congrats, you’ve fucked up.
The family kiss
You traded a night of free-flowing champagne and outrageous Uber receipts in favor of staying in and kicking it with mom and dad, which, honestly, was not at all an L on your part. The greatest aspect of staying in for New Years? After you give your mom and dad a peck on the cheek at midnight, you can go directly to bed. It’s not the most Instagramable, but at least you’re free to eat Cheez-Its on the couch in peace.
The diss kiss
You tried it. Despite your best efforts, you’ve come up completely empty and have no one to kiss. That’s okay, though, because the hands you would have used to embrace a partner can now comfortably hold two drinks. Problem solved.