I was one of the only women at a porn star’s book signing

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I was one of the only women at a porn star’s book signing

Asa Akira is an author and anal sex specialist

I can’t say that I wasn’t skeptical. It may come as a bit of a shock, but I get extremely uncomfortable when talking about sex. Not all sex, but when stuff like cum shots and anal come into play, my face turns bright red and my palms start sweating.

I still fast forward through sex scenes in Game Of Thrones, I couldn’t make it through Fifty Shades of Grey without skipping a few pages, and I always prescreen any movie I agree to see with my father.

So yes, I was very skeptical when I boarded the NJ Transit with my sister and our friend to head into New York for porn star Asa Akira’s talkback of her new book Dirty Thirty.

#asaakira #bikini #leopard #pool #sexual Being sexy by the pool ?

A post shared by Asa Akira (@asaakiraa) on Aug 27, 2012 at 10:30am PDT

As we sat in the Union Square Barnes and Noble waiting for our #Queen to take the stage, I began flipping through her book. Was there some raunchiness? Sure. Was it also pretty good? Absolutely.

She’s entertaining, she’s funny, and her life is really interesting. She’s a thirty-year-old married porn star/author who specializes in anal sex, and I think we could all learn a thing or two from her.

This was all my sister’s idea. She read Asa’s first book, Insatiable, follows her on many social media platforms, has seen her movies, and is the most sex positive person I know. She thinks Asa is hilarious, and after she read me some of her posts, I had to agree.

So a few weeks back when my sister direct messaged me on Instagram “I don’t work on Mondays, NEITHER DO YOU,” I knew she basically meant “This is four days before my birthday and you have very little wiggle room to get out of this.”

Well thank God, because it was my first book reading and it was nothing short of amazing.

As she emerged, my first thought was “Oh my god she is small.” She was also wearing a normal outfit – although I don’t know what I expected. Lingerie? A French Maid’s costume?

Whatever it was was clearly very small minded of me because my second thought was “Where did she get that top?” followed closely by “Does she do her own makeup?” She slayed all around, 12/10.

First she read from her book. She sounded nervous, but looked relaxed. She sat easily in her chair, propped up by one elbow on the arm rest, and holding the microphone in the other hand.

The talk wasn’t really about porn or anything to make my chest blotchy, instead people asked about her writing process, and her marriage – even her hobbies. (According to Instagram she’s been gardening.)

Of course there were some creepy fans. There was one particularly disruptive man who continuously interrupted her Q and A to ask for a selfie, and then proceed to try and walk up onto the stage with her.

She handled it well. “We’ll take one later” – and continued on.

Aside from him, the crowd was a nice mix of people – mostly men (they make up the majority of her fan base) – but the conversation really did stay on her book.

That was refreshing for a prude like me, and I’m sure it was amazing for her after the amount of time and energy that she put into writing not one, but two books.

Gotta love her Haikus

During her talk I found myself getting surprised over and over again about both the normalcy and the bad-assery that is Asa Akira. So here’s a little insight into the life of an award winning porn star.

Cheating is still a big deal in her marriage

Both Asa and her husband are in the porn industry. While shooting movies is work and does not constitute cheating, sleeping with anyone outside of business is not allowed.

Right now, Asa is signed with Wicked and only makes one video a month. She sees this one video as her “pass,” and it is the only time that she has sex with anyone but her husband.

Being in porn does not mean that you cannot have a monogamous, loving relationship. The rules are just a little different.

She is careful about what she says

During her talk I was surprised by many things, but a big one was her vocabulary. While speaking Asa would catch herself: “when really terrible shi- stuff happens…”

I thought that was pretty cool. Clearly, everyone in the room was adult enough to hear the word “shit,” but instead she chose another route.

I liked that she cared about being professional and appropriate, which she somehow managed to pull off while simultaneously talking about her life and career revolving around anal sex.

She feels most vulnerable while writing – not while making porn

No doubt, writing can be scary and can put people in a vulnerable position. It can draw out your most unflattering characteristics, most sadistic thoughts, and most embarrassing feelings.

Writing unsheathes the parts of us that we have tried for so long to hide, so it makes sense that she should feel vulnerable while writing. But more vulnerable than having sex on camera with other people watching? At first I was surprised. And then I understood.

She has been making porn for years, and by standards which I am not knowledgeable in, is both really good at it and is extremely successful. Not only is it what she is used to, but she has been supplied with validation that she is good at it.

She likes boys names for girls, in case you were wondering

She exists to empower women

There is a huge stigma around female porn stars: “They couldn’t do anything else,” “They have Daddy issues,” “They have no self esteem,” “Sex is all they’re good for,” “They don’t have capable parents,” and the list goes on. Asa Akira challenges all of this.

She came from a great family, and a loving home. She said that against all odds she became a porn star, not because she had to but because she wanted to.

“I want young women to be as comfortable with their sexuality as men are allowed to be. Meeting female fans that relate to me is the most gratifying part of writing.”

And after hearing her speak and reading her book I must say that while we couldn’t be more different, we also couldn’t be more similar.

She worries about her parents being proud of her

It’s no secret that parents don’t exactly raise their children to become porn stars. Even though Asa Akira is successful, has a career, and makes a lot of money, her parents still don’t understand her choice to enter into this line of work.

I want to stress this: Asa Akira is a legitimate business woman with a steady career, a happy marriage, and a hefty income. She is nothing to look down on. However, for me it is understandably why her parents would not pin it as their first choice for her.

#teravision #booth #asaakira #sexpo #newyork #ny Signing autographs ;)

A post shared by Asa Akira (@asaakiraa) on Jul 25, 2012 at 4:13pm PDT

Asa said that another perk to writing her books was that it gave her parents something to be proud of.

Immediately after she said that I felt a pang in my chest, because in just one short hour, I could already tell that there was a lot to be proud of there.

Can I understand her parent’s point of view? Of course. No parent wants to think about their kid having sex, or people jerking off while thinking about them. Parents are protective, and that by no means makes them bad people (she said nothing but good things about them).

So there you have it, a bit about the life of a female porn star. Not as raunchy as you would have thought? Same.

#tbt(uesday) shot by @liz01 for @complex

A post shared by Asa Akira (@asahole) on Dec 1, 2015 at 8:00pm PST

When the hour was up I was completely hooked, so going up to meet her felt like a pretty big deal. That’s when my face turned red and my palms started sweating. She told me she liked my name, and I totally forgot to ask her about her top.

But if Asa Akira taught me anything, it’s that porn stars are just people in a line of work that I wouldn’t choose for myself (like an engineer or a math teacher).

@TheTab