What would happen if Donald Trump was a woman?

He’d always be ‘on his period’

When Donald Trump began his historic run for presidency, there was a huge part of me that just didn’t give it any credence, because he’s a huge joke. I never thought someone like him could make it as far as he has.

In a normal candidate, flip-flopping, forgetting your party’s values, and overt bigotry is not condoned. Usually, you get laughed out of the running. But, we let what he says and does fall to the wayside, which is fine, if a hate and fear-mongering, failed businessman is your style. Somehow The Donald remains the Republican nominee for president.

But would the Republican nominee’s antics have gotten him this far if he was a woman?

Just a casual America loving day

On foreign relations

“I dealt with Gaddafi. I rented him a piece of land. He paid me more for one night than the land was worth for two years, and then I didn’t let him use the land. That’s what we should be doing. I don’t want to use the word “screwed,” but I screwed him. That’s what we should be doing.”

In politics, women are criticized for being either too soft under pressure, or too much of a bitch. We see it with Angela Merkel, we saw it with Margaret Thatcher, and we’re even seeing it now with Hillary Clinton. Many people I know say they just couldn’t see a woman being the Commander in Chief of our army – it’s laughable to them. In either case, too bitchy or too nice, publicly discussing successes in business is never an option for women. They’d either be told to be more modest, or be less heartless. The same is obviously not said for men. Let’s not forget the droves of sex jokes that would come from the use of the word “screwed.”

On race relations

“Our great African American President hasn’t exactly had a positive impact on the thugs who are so happily and openly destroying Baltimore!”

Not only was the timing of this statement grossly insensitive, it came just on the heels of race riots in Baltimore, the statement itself was just ridiculous. When women express themselves in a way that some consider thoughtless or callous, their critics say their insensitivity makes them unfit for public office, but not for The Don.

So smart! I can read books upside down!

On himself

“Sorry losers and haters, but my IQ is one of the highest – and you all know it! Please don’t feel so stupid or insecure, it’s not your fault.”

Let’s be honest, if this came out of a woman’s mouth, the media would be on her in seconds. She’d be ridiculed for her overly brash attitude, and someone would undoubtedly dig up her most poorly worded tweet to prove that her IQ wasn’t actually that high. It wouldn’t matter whether or not she was previously deemed intelligent, overconfidence in a woman is never viewed positively. The truth is, we don’t value conviction in women the same way we do with men, because even when it borders on arrogance, men are encouraged.

On women

“There has to be some form of punishment [for women who seek abortions].”

Even in the case where religion prevents you from making a certain choice for your own body, it shouldn’t let you dictate what others do. If Trump were a woman, his ancient viewpoints would already be enforced upon his own sex. Of course, there are many women in politics with similar ideas, and lady Trump would only join those rankings.

Even presidential candidates can take selfies!

On hair

“As everybody knows, but the haters and losers refuse to acknowledge, I do not wear a ‘wig.’ My hair may not be perfect, but it’s mine”

Both Trump and women know what it’s like to have their appearance under  scrutiny, but if he were a woman, the flak would be even worse. Women who are public figures are subject to the constant examination of their appearance. How you look doesn’t affect your capability as a leader, so why bring it up? Whether it’s terrible hair, or small hands, it’s not really a problem. We’ve heard “too sloppy to get the job done” and “too made up, completely unrealistic and deceptive,” Trump’s wild hair would be even more in the spotlight if he were a she.

On everything else

“You may get AIDS by kissing.”

Never mind the fact that this is just not true, if this were uttered by a woman, she’d be laughed out of the race. We saw it with Palin, we saw it with Fiorina, why not The Donald?

Checking that the new nail polish doesn't clash with cheeto skin tone.

On who knows what

Any man who acts the way Trump does, rashly making statements, and insulting people on whim just “tells it like it is”  and is “strongly opinionated.” Any woman who acted this wild or unhinged might be asked if she was on her period, or if it was just one of those PMS-y days.