How to successfully ‘drink around the world’ at Disney’s Epcot

If you are anything like me, you had no idea that such a thing as “drinking around the world” at Disney’s Epcot was even a thing people did. If you like drinking, adventuring and hanging out with your friends, it is most definitely something for your bucket list.

Essentially, all you do is walk around the 11 countries of the park to get unnecessarily drunk. This is the definitive order you should go around the world and all of the shenanigans you should get up to while you’re there.

Mexico

Drink of choice: classic margarita from the tequila bar

Ask for a frozen marg because they will by no means look at you funny and judge you because of it. If you want to sit or even stand at a table, then too bad, because you can’t unless you have a reservation…to sit. However, there is a pretty cool fountain you can sit around.

Norway

Drink of choice: beer, because we could not find anything else

Beware the ravenous birds who will fly just above your head and will come right in kicking range. *Disclaimer: I did not kick any birds, nor do I condone the kicking of birds. The Norwegians will talk about you in their language. Just move on because, frankly, I’d talk about the drunk college students, too.

China

Drink of choice that you will 100% regret: Plum wine

Pro tip: don’t get the plum wine. If you do get the plum wine, just down it. It is the only way. Also don’t ask them what it is because they don’t even know. It tastes like molded plums that have been juiced.

Germany

Drink of choice: grapefruit beer

If you are minoring in German, do not take this opportunity to try and test your skills. You will make a fool of yourself and regret all of the times you did not do the vocabulary homework.

Italy

Drink of choice: pitchers of both red and white sangria to split amongst friends, or if you’re a beast then take them for yourself

Eat here. You need food if you’re going to finish the drill and not die, so definitely grab some amazing (and slightly pricey) pizza. You won’t regret it. If I haven’t convinced you, take a look at this pic:

All of the workers, both guys and girls, are incredibly attractive, so act like you have your shit together, though you most definitely do not.

Japan

Drink of choice: sake shot, cold

Don’t get the sake shot if you are trying to be functional. This is definitely where it begins to end/get blurry. Make your friend get a kimono and wear it the rest of the day and night.

Morocco

Drink of choice: Sultan’s colada

Go to the bathroom before you get here because it’s so hard to find. Also watch the belly dancers, they’re pretty great if you’re into that kind of stuff.

France

Drink(s) of choice: wine flight (three glasses of Pinot Noir, Chardonnay and Rosé)

Do not get anything else other than the wine flight. It was only $9 for all of it. Also, don’t chug them – you will be judged for it and you will look very unsophisticated.

United Kingdom

Drink of choice: Harp Lager or Black and Tan

Definitely go to the pub with your Kimono’d friend because you will get lots of attention from very attractive bartenders with very attractive British accents.

Canada

Drink of choice: judging by the picture, I’m going to say a beer of sorts

Make some friends here and everywhere. These are the nicest people and you will tell them your entire life story, as will they. It could have been the kimono, tbh.

United States

This country is in the middle, so if you make it past here, you made it halfway through. Congratulations! However, we skipped this one because we already know America is the greatest country in the world. USA! USA! USA!

If you are not at least brown out by the time you finish the world tour, then try again, because you did it wrong. If you’re feeling really frisky, then go ride Test Track and scream your little heart out and pray to sweet baby Jesus you don’t puke on the mother/daughter duo from Spain who graciously assisted you with skipping the entire line.

There is a reason Disney World is dubbed “the happiest place on earth,” and this is just further proof of that. The most important part of successfully drinking around the world is to stay safe, smart and of course, to have fun.

Added bonus: when you walk out of Test Track, there is a vendor with coke and rum floats. You won’t regret it…until later.