How living through my teens with a single dad shaped me

When I was just barely 12 years old, my mom passed away. I was finishing fifth grade and had absolutely no idea what was hitting me. All of a sudden my entire, perfect little world collapsed. It can be hard to recall what actually went on in the two years following the event other than boys, mean girls, and lockers. One thing I can recall quite vividly is that there was one person who never once left my side no matter what and poured his entire heart and soul into making sure that I was okay: my dad.

The man who had been there since day one, the man who had adopted me when I was hardly a day old and loved me for exactly who I was ever since, is someone that I am truly lucky to have still by my side today, 21 years later.

Teenage years are hard for every girl. You go through puberty. You have your first heartbreak. Girls you thought you knew and girls you knew you hated stab you in the back (multiple times each). It seems as though going through this without a solid female role model to tell you how to deal with it and that everything is okay would be hell, but for me it wasn’t. I had a man who parented just the right way and I intend to copy his styles with my own kids.

My dad was always a hoverer

He paid attention all the time—to my conversations in the back seat of the car and to the texts popping up on my phone—but he wouldn’t get involved unless he felt he needed to. He would see a boy hurt me and tell me I should move on, but every time I didn’t listen he would buy me ice cream and a movie On Demand and let me cry.

 He dealt with my first period… alone

He didn’t know the first thing about feminine hygiene, but the first time I got my period he rushed to CVS to get my everything he thought I might need. I literally sat on the toilet for 20 minutes, not knowing what else to do. He rushed off and came back with all the pads in the world. It was a great bonding moment knowing that we were both going through this for the first time, and he continued to run this errand for me every few months until I got my own car and no longer needed to embarrass him.

He let me be my own person

Like any other teenage girl, I made mistakes. From getting bad grades to mismatching my clothes to making friends with the wrong people to crashing my car – I was your typical teenager. He would discuss the mistake with me and pursue whatever punishment was necessary (I only really got in trouble twice, and one was for getting C’s and D’s on a report card) and allow me to learn from my mistakes, but he would interfere if he knew it would scar me.

He also let me make adult decisions on my own. When I decided that I no longer wanted to attend Hebrew school, he said that since I had been going since I was a child and was now an adult, I could make that choice. Besides, my faith is something that I am in charge of, and he respects that. When I decided that summer camp was not for me, he said okay and allowed my stepmom and I to work out another thing I could do for the summer. He always took my opinion seriously, and I couldn’t appreciate that more.

He taught me how to behave around men

I also learned a lot from being around just my dad. I learned about sports – I went to baseball, basketball and hockey games and really enjoyed watching the game and eating peanuts and hot dogs. I learned how to play basketball and golf and furthered my soccer education with his coaching assistance. I learned how to win a negotiation without fail because my dad was a lawyer and liked to have intense, intellectual conversations. I learned every single line from Caddy Shack and Animal House before even seeing the movies, and to this day Animal House is my all-time favorite. I learned to burp, I learned to drink, I learned to eat, I learned to work out, and I learned to be myself without worrying about other peoples’ opinions. One of the best things I learned from being around men so much (my brother and my dad’s friends included) is how to act around men and how to be comfortable being the only woman in the room. I’ve never really found myself nervous about men, and I think that has to do with the fact that I have spent so much time with them and know how to get along with them in a friendly manner. It’s true that men like girls they can be friends with—girls who like sports and war movies and Corona.

Ultimately, I don’t think my blessing of a father could have done a better job with me. He parented just the right amount, but also let me be who I was and allowed me to spread my wings and fly even before I was ready. He has a strong policy of pushing you to conquer your fears and though I didn’t appreciate that the first time I went on a roller coaster or drove a car on the main road, I sure do appreciate it now.

I love you, dad. Happy (39^th) birthday.

P.S. please enjoy some of our famous selfies below.