Why I don’t feel bad for not texting back

That video of your dog barking at itself isn’t urgent


I recently saw a meme on Instagram that read “I either answer a text within six seconds or six years- there is no in between with me.” And though it was meant to be funny, a budding joke of “who even does that?” it rang too true to me.

The truth is that I don’t text back. Ever. I can find you swarms of people angered and frustrated by my apparent apathy of a response; ringing endorsements by my closest of friends of how I “really suck at texting.”

Having fun without texting back!

But this is not some millennial age faux-paus of mine, it is a precise and intentional effort on my part. I do not want to answer you back, and here is why.

It’s (probably) Not Important

When someone texts me with a question that requires a precise or immediate answer, when they need my emotional support in that very moment, I am there. Quickly and animatedly. I dare say I’m pretty great at being there when you need it.

But, unfortunately, the vast majority of text messages I receive are bullshit. Erratic pieces of information that so rarely refer to my own life. I enjoy every message I read from a friend, laugh out aloud alone when I’m supposed to be typing LOL, and feel just as trapped as anyone else when in a group text.

But, I am a firm believer in the phone call (or Facetime – I’ll allow it), because that signifies to me the urgency and importance of contacting me with what you have to say.

If I’m not around to answer the phone, my best friends know to leave a message – I will get back to them.

My most recent Instagram post… which did not happen until a full six hours after the photo was taken and the fun was had.

I am making a statement

To be honest, I don’t actually know if I’m making a statement. But I do know that as much as I love this technology age we live in and its simply complex pleasures, I loathe it all the same.

I want to experience my life in the flesh, not just through my Insta feed, and because I am young and weak (and cannot stay off of Instagram for more than half a day TOPS), I feel that I’ve started to make that small out cove of internal personal space by naysaying text messages.

Every time I receive a wonderful, but unimportant text, I read it and find entertainment, and then tune myself back into the moment. If I spent time answering all of those texts, I would have missed the long distance car drives with my parents where I really got to know them, the scary moments where I introduced myself to would-be friends and crushes, or every time some aspect of nature took my breath away.

Choosing to delay text messages by a week, or never answering them at all, has given me sight of some of the most glorious sunsets from plane windows, and insights into how people work face to face.

I want my life to be fun, and no text message is ever going to make up for the real thing, let alone stand in the way of it.

Enjoying life and living in the present

I’m Looking Out for Myself

I’m not certain, but I think I’m witnessing a trend wherein endless texting is the new whining toddler.

Sometimes it can come across as a cry for attention- an “I’M HERE PLEASE VALIDATE ME”- but I find that when I do the work to validate it, it is never enough. Every occasion I have given someone an inch of my texting and response capabilities, they have demanded a mile.

I began to be unable to tell the difference between someone in need and someone who was needy. When I would ignore or forget about messages, because I was busy, I would feel like a dishonorable failure whom no one could rely on, and when I was there at the exact right ‘moment,’ the moment would drag on until it ruined mine.

I shouldn’t have to feel guilt that I never responded to that video of your dog barking at itself or the snapchat of you taking a dump in the public restroom, just as much as you shouldn’t have to feel guilt for ignoring the selfies I take of my eyelashes or the videos of my parents bickering.

I want people to go out and live their life exactly as they want to, and to enjoy every infinitesimal spec of it. But for me that means putting the phone down and getting out there.

So sorry that I “suck at texting,” but you can always give me a call.

Does it really look like answering a text could top this?