How to not force the patriarchy on unsuspecting children

Ladies, how many times did you hear “you look so pretty,” “what a gorgeous dress,” or “look how beautiful you are,” growing up? Everyone – how many times have you uttered these words to a female child when trying to converse with them?

Whether you know it or not, let’s call a spade a spade. This is a prime example of enforced patriarchy seeping its way into daily life and imprinting itself into the subconscious of growing girls. Think that’s too dramatic?

Baby reveals have become all the rage. I’m sure you’ve seen many blogs posts and videos about such joyous occasions, for instance, when a woman with six boys finds out she is pregnant with a baby girl. What a beautiful and wonderful thing to have another female entering the world! But it’s no surprise that it’s not easy growing up as a female in today’s society.

Studies show that the ages 0-3 are the most impressionable for a child’s development because that is when they learn to speak, think, respond, and interpret their world. The problem with this is that most people don’t think about complimenting a baby girl as harmful. Sure, we don’t cuss a baby out, but can’t we then put the dots together to see that if they’re impressionable enough to absorb bad words that they are just as impressionable to absorb “good” ones?

Once a girl hits the teen years, beauty standards and what it means to be a woman is completely under the control of mass media and popular sway. A lot of these issues though begin much sooner.

Only complimenting a girl’s appearance should be stopped from the beginning. It is harmful because it asserts to a developing mind that the first thing everyone will notice about her is her beauty, that beauty is defined from the outside, that women need validation from others to have worth, that women should crave and thrive off of other’s praise, etc.

Now sure most of our friends are past the intensive, absorption phase of brain development, but that doesn’t mean we should allow for the perpetuation of the cycle. When you are home for the summer encountering young family members, babysitting for extra cash, working at a camp, try to remember. Most of the time these phrases get thrown around because we don’t think of them as harmful or because we are uncomfortable with children and so we just make observations rooted in the patriarchal society we grew up in.

Instead, try talking about books, colors, movies, what they did that day, favorites, and the tried and true child pleaser – what is on her shirt.

Don’t force the patriarchy on unsuspecting, female children.  Not cool.