The RNC is basically Rush Week and Trump just got his bid

Standards risks: high

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CLEVELAND – After a seemingly never-ending rush process, the hottest sorority in the country just extended a bid to Donald Trump.

In the first two days of the Republican National Convention, the GOP has displayed every stereotypical sorority behavior: delegates in matching outfits, coordinated chants, fake smiles, selfie after selfie on social media, and a different theme for every day. 

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When Trump first announced his intention to rush GOP last June, the sorority wasn’t sure of his true intentions. Was this PNM (potential new member) serious? Or was he rushing “ironically”?

He had extensive connections with GOP’s rival sorority, even going to the wedding of its president! Was he a plant sent by the other sorority to spy on GOP? Was he going to take down the sorority from inside? For months, the active members of GOP debated every aspect of this PNM before finally deciding to give him the bid.

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Some actives still aren’t sure GOP is doing the right thing by adding Trump to their sorority. Here we break down every aspect of the PNM, just like a sorority would.

Looks

Trump’s tan is completely orange and his hair needs serious work, making him subpar #srat material. However, he has a hot significant other which makes up for it. The sorority would automatically look better if Melania was always around.

Money

Being in a sorority isn’t cheap. Trump won’t have a problem paying his dues and claims to have the resources to pay for the high production cost of our recruitment videos (read: attack ads) for next year. His extensive real-estate portfolio also means we could host our formals in prime locations with an open bar.

Academics

With a packed social calendar, sorority girls don’t really have time for class. Trump and his wife are already pretty familiar with the art of plagiarizing, so he could be a valuable resource when his sorority sisters are struggling to finish their papers before a midnight deadline. 

Recommendations

Every PNM knows you’re less likely to get a bid if you don’t have an alumna write you a letter of recommendation before you rush. Trump has dozens of Republicans and B-List celebrities who have endorsed him for GOP, and they’re all at the RNC to read their letters of support aloud.

Scott Baio speaking on the first night of the RNC.

Scott Baio speaking on the first night of the RNC.

Philanthropy

Giving back is a pillar of every sorority, so a charitable attitude is a must. The Donald J. Trump Foundation exists, but Trump has donated a relatively small amount of money to it in comparison to his overall net worth.

Standards

A key issue with extending a  bid to Trump would be the standards risks. Yes, he meets the requirements of not drinking, but his mouth and behavior could land the sorority in hot water. Almost every week, a Greek chapter makes news because of a case of sexual harassment, assault or singing a racist chant. Trump has proved he’s not afraid to say or do something controversial, which could reflect poorly on our organization or result in a protest.

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Alcohol

Trump once owned a vodka label, and his son now owns Trump Winery, which means the sorority will always have plenty of bottles of both red and white for its weekly viewing of The Bachelor.

Personality

Let’s be honest, this doesn’t matter because if it did, there’s no way GOP would give Trump a bid. 

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