The struggles of dating an artist

“I’m busy tonight. Maybe another night?”

“What are you up to?”

“I’m working on a project, can I call you back?”

“I’ll text you later when I’m done writing this article.”

“Drinks at eleven PM next Friday? Yes, we have to plan that far ahead, I’m swamped, sorry.”

Anyone who is within the artistic realm has either heard these classic lines or uttered them.

Moreover, anyone within the artistic realm has likely undergone a reaction to these utterances of the unpleasant variety. The ‘haters gonna hate’ analogy can be applied. People will not believe you when you say you’re busy even when you genuinely are. There is a reason why artists stay single and it is because their craft is everything to them and it takes an extraordinary person to make them want to give up their art for. It also takes someone with infinite patience, compassion, and who makes an effort to understand the creative wirings of your brain.

Whether you are a painter, writer, dancer, musician, or filmmaker – to name just a few examples within the artist family – chances are you have undergone your fair share of struggles in the dating world. From complaints from romantic partners about your erratic schedule to the dedication to your craft being undermined, artists have heard it all. While there is certainly a token of truth to these stereotypes, there are also many misrepresentations of the mindset of an artist in terms of their attitude in relationships.

Upon interviewing my one of my best friends Jake Neuman, a film student at the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee, he told me that he has had his fair share of struggles in terms of finding a romantic partner or even going on dates with someone he is interested in. In his experience, the most difficult part of dating an artist is the artist’s “schedules and emotional level.” According to Jake, “it’s a nonstop carnival ride” and “a very passionate love affair at first but at the same time we need to be understood and loved in our deepest of silences.”

Writing is my life. It is how I identify myself. It is how I express myself and get a point across. It gives me an escape from the tumultuous world we live in. I will always put it first. I will always make my artistic career a top priority and it takes a truly incredible fellow to change that and make me even try to compromise my work or dreams of making it big. Another critical question I asked Jake was whether or not he would be willing to put his career on hold if he met someone that he was very into or, ultimately, would his craft come first? His reply was” “My craft would ultimately come first, there would be exceptions but for the most part, no, we have our whole lives to date. There’s how many women and men in the world?” and “… is it shallow of me to say that… I have goals and plans, and those who truly love you will support you in the end and, in turn, you’ll support them.” Some may view this as a harsh reply but, to be honest, there’s so much truth in Jake’s response. He is a talented filmmaker and has already made great strides in his field. It is completely valid for him to not want to put his dreams on hold or compromise the work for just any person.

And hello? As cliché as the saying “there are plenty of fish in the sea” is, it’s true. In my experience as a writer who wants to move to a major media city post-graduation and take the world by storm with my laptop, pen, and favorite captioned notebook, I can vouch for the fact that an artist’s desire to be free to dream and do for as long as possible is anything but selfish. It is admirable and to be respected. If a romantic partner can’t understand that and make you feel even the slightest bit guilty for having creative ambitions and a desire to make the most out of your life as an artist, then they do not have a place in your life.

I won’t lie, I can see why artists have a reputation for being scatterbrained, passionate and invested one minute and then not interested the next, and hardly ever free. While, yes, there is definitely some truth to this, but that is not all that dating an artist consists of. Artists are also some of the most compassionate, dedicated, intelligent people out there and to date one is a privilege. If an artist chooses you as a partner, know that the decision was not impulsive or casual. They seriously want you in her life and can see the relationship going somewhere. They value you and your input and will cherish the relationship and do everything possible to make it last. With a bit of patience, understanding, and dedication, a relationship with an artist will not seem daunting or impossible, but completely worth it.