Should we really still be exchanging women for goods in marriages?

Dowry refers to durable goods – precious ornaments or any other form of wealth – brought by a bride to a husband on their marriage. It is a consideration from the side of the bride’s parents or relatives to the groom or his parents for the agreement to wed the bride-to-be. The dowry system has been a part of the Indian culture for centuries. At times, it is openly demanded by the groom’s family, other times, the bride’s family uses the dowry to depict their social status.

Although the Dowry Prohibition Act was passed in 1961, it is a deeply rooted custom widely prevalent even today. However, the youth today doesn’t connect themselves closely with the dowry system. I asked a few of my friends what their views are on dowry being a part of the Indian marriage contract.

Tanya Wankawala, 19, Mumbai, UC Berkeley

I think parents should spend that money on their daughter’s education rather than marriage so that the girl is smart enough to never find a guy orthodox enough to ask for dowry. This way she is self sufficient and being independent and that is the most thing a parent can make their daughter.

Dwitya Sapre, 20, Mumbai, Emory University 

For me, the dowry system should be a thing of the past. It undermines a woman’s self worth in a relationship because it makes her feel like a possession rather than a human being with the intellectual capacity to stand on her own two feet. In today’s world where women’s empowerment is at the forefront of conversation, the dowry should not exist. The concept makes the woman’s family feel like they are indebted to the men for taking in their daughter.

The dowry was born out of a sense that daughters were not as important as sons, hence in order to make them somebody else’s “problem”, their family would pay in thanks for someone else having the burden of bringing a woman into their household. People always forget that the women are the ones who eventually become the mothers that raise the children and instil good values in them, the women are the ones who run the house and put order in people’s lives and the women are the ones who have the empathy and the emotional quotient to push people to their absolute capacity by building up their confidence.

Without women, men wouldn’t be where they are today just like that, the dowry is flawed in it’s fundamentals and the people who use it in marriage are not cultured enough in their thinking to truly appreciate what a gift the women in their lives are.

Soni Chabbria, 67, Mumbai 

Dowry system is intertwined with the Indian culture and parent’s consider it as an obligation to give material wealth today. However, whatever I gave my daughter and her husband’s family was out of due respect and love.

I gave ornaments made of gold, took them for dinners every weekend, clothes, etc. However, today’s youth doesn’t believe in dowry and parents only give their daughters, and not the groom, expensive gifts on their wedding day.

Rusha Naik, 19, Mumbai, Emory University 

I feel like now dowry’s become an unspoken part of marriage in the sense that no one says its dowry but the girl’s family has to give “gifts” to the guy. I don’t necessarily agree with it though because you’re getting the girl, what more do you need?

But I also feel like that’s changing now and its not such a big part except in maybe smaller areas of India or in big families.

Riti Talreja, 19, Mumbai 

The dowry system is deeply rooted in the Indian culture and it’s very hard to do-away. However, I know for sure that I don’t believe in this tradition and I will most definitely refuse to abide by it because it makes no sense to me.

A daughter is leaving her own house and family and going to live in her husband’s house, and she yet has to give the husband’s family material wealth? If anything, it should be the other way round!

Anvita Kamath, 19, Mumbai, New York University 

Marriage is a relationship that surpasses the boundary of materialistic sentiment. The expectation of dowry in India from the girls to their to be husbands is something that defies the purity of the relationship and puts a conditional offering on the ‘love’ (for love marriages) or ‘arrangement’ (arranged marriages) that the couple is about to enter into. The system of dowry is an automatic and unstated hand over of power for the male in the relationship.

It is a system that allows the husband to think of himself as more superior, that he has command over his wife and she has to be at his mercy. This system is unjust, backward and sets the tone for inequality in the marriage.

In today’s day and age, with education of the girl child is becoming more common, dowry is becoming a less common occurrence and that is a positive sign of development for India.

Drishti Bathija, 20, Mumbai 

I think the dowry should definitely not be a part of the contract because we now live in a world where the importance of women is increasing and sexism is decreasing steadily . The fact that making the woman’s family pay and accepting money just because she is moving in with the husband is really wrong because she is not a commodity and their relationship isn’t a business or economic one , rather one of sharing love, compassion & and duties and responsibility together.

Therefore such a thing should not be part of the Indian contract and should completely be banned because at the end of the day the woman is also bringing her own resources to the family , money would just make the relationship a business oriented one which would spoil and corrupt the ideal intention of the marriage.

Michelle Shah, 19, Mumbai 

It’s a preconceived notion that men are the villains in the dowry menace but is that always true? The Anti Dowry Act (1983) allows the accused to be guilty unless proven otherwise. The wife’s statement is considered candid and truthful in the court, without evidence. Since its inception women have exploited this law to such a great extent and claimed billions of rupees from their “partner’s” families.

The wealth of the family has never been tracked and because it’s a cognizable case, the police have to register it. Because of it’s abuse the anti dowry act has recently been amended to ensure that there is an enquiry by the court in such situations and adequate evidence is submitted. The act of dowry is definitely a weak pillar in the Indian society and in no way do I say that the man is not to blame, but just sometimes it could be different.

The dowry system is losing its importance in today’s generation. However, in our parents’ generation dowry was a huge part of the marriage contract. Education is one of the biggest reasons why woman feel that the dowry is the most futile custom in the society. Believing in the dowry system, or giving in to this age old tradition only demeans the birth giver, the wife and the mother. There is no price tag you can put on the love of a wife, a daughter in law who leaves her parents, or the sister in law who adjusts to the new rules and norms in the family.