What it’s like having a mom with OCD and anxiety

Many people can relate having themselves or a parent that has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). In my household my mom was the one who had OCD and anxiety.

Daily rituals

As a child, my mother, Lillian, had severe OCD and her small rituals were extremely important to her. Without them she thought something bad would happen to the family. They ranged from excessive hand washings until her hands became raw, to checking the stove five times, to checking the locks on the doors and windows several times before going on with her day. This was constant and would cause anxiety when someone messed with the everyday ritual. Making messes in rooms was basically asking her to freak out.

As I grew older the symptoms became lessened – she washed her hands but wouldn’t wash them raw, she checked doors and windows but not as much as she used to, and messy rooms still bother her. Occasionally I can tell when anxiety hits my mom; she starts to cough loudly, which I automatically know to give her a piece of gum or candy to calm her nerves. The piece of gum/candy also helps from her feeling nauseous (mostly happens during events such as birthdays, parties, anything involving planning or getting ready). I always found it annoying but getting older you realize you can’t change that, it’s a part of them and you understand how to cope and work with it. And while my mom has gone through so much with her OCD but she also has been through a lot during her pregnancy.

Depression

Before I was born my mother was pregnant with her first child. She rarely talks about it because it is a very sensitive topic. As a mother gets excited for her baby, my mom glowed with happiness to have the news of a new child. This suddenly came to a halt when she found out the baby had a neurological defect called Anencephaly (where the skull is not fully developed). Basically the baby would be born only to die minutes/hours or days later. The doctors felt that she should abort the child, and she felt that she had no choice. Some people may say that it’s a horrible choice but I would defend my mother’s side – the baby would have died in any scenario.

Losing her first child was heartbreaking for her – getting her hopes up and then finding out that the plan she had would fall apart. After everything happened the doctor gave her a leave of absence from her job at the hospital. She grieved and went into a depression.

Three months later she was pregnant. Her first trimester she bled. Her doctor sent her to the postpartum unit, where she was told that she miscarried. The doctor set her up for a D&C (dilation and curettage) where they do the cleaning of the uterus. The doctor wanted to do a sonogram before just to make sure that she did miscarry only to find out that she had a polyp and the fetus was hiding behind the polyp. That fetus was me.

Five years later, she also went through the struggle of a separation.

Separation

My mother and father decided to separate when I was a kid and that put her through an emotional change. As her anxiety increased and felt like she was alone, she suffered from further depression – but she remembered me, and realized she had someone. Since hearing my mom’s stories, I felt her pain, I imagined what it looked like, and I always look at her as a strong individual. 

My mom has been through so much and it didn’t stop her or change her attitude toward how she wanted my future or how she raised me.What pulled her through these events was faith and prayer. She pushed me to work hard, to become a successful women. My mom is my superhero. We butt heads but, in the end we laugh and we always spend time with each other, you never see us separated (always together). There is nothing stronger then a mothers bond between her daughter. 

P.S. Love you mom!