Yes, I am a woman who chose a STEM major

Growing up my mom made sure to tell me at least once a day that I could be absolutely whatever I wanted in life. What she didn’t tell me were the terms and conditions of this promise; while I could reach for any dream I wanted, there would always be someone who would discourage me from it simply because of my gender.

As I matured so did my dreams, as did my love for absolutely anything science-related. Realizing that science was the only thing I wanted to dedicate my life to was like a lightbulb going off in my brain, a decision I never second-guessed. It also meant that everyone who I told would give words of encouragement or the “oh thats a lot of school” comments, but (thankfully) refrained from mentioning quite how difficult of a road it would be. Maybe they wanted to spare the feelings of an eleven year old, or maybe they didn’t want me to face the hard reality quite so soon.

They of course knew what I didn’t – everyone from total strangers to my own friends/family would have something negative to say about my academic choices, and it would suck. My childhood naiveté hindered me from even considering this possibility, let alone recognizing it as a constant uphill battle.

The first instance I can remember of being the unlucky combination of female and interested in science was in sixth grade. There was some ridiculous middle school robotics club that was put together one week, and I went to their first meeting. There were less than ten students in the room which made it easy to spot that I was the only girl, but I shook it off and sat down anyways. In the span of 20 minutes I realized I had become the butt of some pre-teen joke, and was being made fun for simply being there. I left the meeting and never went back, it was the very first time I had ever been made to feel shitty for pursuing my interests, and it stung like nothing I had ever felt before.

Flash forward to high school, where I was lucky to attend an academically intense school where there were a ton of other girls who were just as passionate as I was. It was this amazing feeling to see so many other people trying to pursue similar dreams, but suddenly all of my plans were being called into question. Upon telling people my goals in life, I was suddenly being asked if I actually thought I could accomplish them or just flat out being told I would change my mind. The idea that I either couldn’t do it or would just completely give up baffled me. Who the hell were they to speculate? I was an honor roll student who had never given up on anything. Admittedly, I let it get to me and it made me feel awful, but it didn’t change my mind. I was still young, and while I had knowledge of sexism and prejudice in the world, I never felt like it had affected me personally and didn’t feel like these inquisitions stemmed from it.

It wasn’t until I hit college that the real challenge began. For the first time in my life I experienced self-doubt, and I can admit that I didn’t know how to handle it. Declaring as a STEM major presents unique challenges in college for anyone, from the intensity of the courses, lack of free time, to hectic schedules that ALWAYS seem to conflict, it’s no easy thing for any student. But in my experience it seems to be a little bit trickier as a woman. In my classes I have noticed a distinct and familiar pattern – from the students, to the professors, and even the TA’s, everything around me is very male-dominated. I can count on one hand how many female TA’s I have had in my classes in the three years I have been in college, despite each class having three to four at a time. Subtle signs constantly pervade the atmosphere, making it easier and easier to doubt my ambitions.

Often however, the signs are not subtle. I have been asked on five separate occasions by different people (always guys) on why I wouldn’t just choose to become a nurse instead of my intended goal in medicine. This question always infuriates me for a multitude of reasons:

1. What you are assuming is that going to school to become a nurse is somehow easier/lesser than going to medical school. I don’t know about you, but all my friends going to nursing school are working their asses off to do it. Chill out.
2. By point 1 you have automatically assumed I cannot complete med school, and should choose the “easier” path. I’m doing just fine thanks.
3. Would you ask this of a guy? No, seriously. A male nursing student is consistently asked why he didn’t choose to become a doctor, not vice versa.

I work just as hard as any other person in my major, and maybe more so than some. I spend weeks preparing for exams in hopes for the best, pulling all nighters in the library in front of books and my computer, panicking when I don’t get the grades that I want and breathing a sigh of relief when I do. To work this hard and feel the same stress as everyone else just to be questioned as to why I don’t pursue a field that has been relegated as more female-oriented is an insult to all that I have accomplished this far. Are there nights where I wish I could do literally anything else in the world? Of course, college isn’t a picnic no matter how much you love your major. But to question my studies based off of presumably nothing but my gender makes no sense, and does nothing but remind me that no matter where I go, someone will have their own opinion on how I should live my life.

I am a biological sciences major with a double minor, and I plan on attending medical school. There has never been any deviation from that plan, and nothing anyone has ever said or will ever say can change that. College wont be the last place I face these oppositions, but I can make sure it’s where I leave every ounce of self-doubt behind.