Saying I want to be treated equally doesn’t mean I want to be treated like a man

I used to want to pull my hair out when a guy asked whether a girl wants to be treated like a lady or be equal to men. Like, why is it one or the other? I used to just ignore it and call it a day, but it turns out that this is the one of the most conflicting arguments I’ve had with myself. 

As one girl put it, “I…believe that women should be paid equally and treated equally in society, but I say things like ‘you can’t hit a woman’ and ‘don’t say that to a girl’.”

It’s confusing. What exactly do we want? 

Just because I want to get paid the same amount as a man for doing the same job, doesn’t mean I don’t want the door to be held for me. You know why? Because holding a door for another human is just the nice thing to do.

Wanting the same rights as a man doesn’t mean we should be treated like a “man.” Why? Because being treated like a “man” means being treated how men stereotypically should treat other men, which is where this all goes wrong in the first place.

Being angry doesn’t mean you have to use violence, but many men will do it because that’s the “manly” thing to do. Being cold, acting strong and much more is what we know to be societal conditioning for men. This conditioning to be treated like a “man” already has men being treated far more harshly than necessary — why would we want to take part in that?  

Some basic manners are seen as actions that should only be done for women simply because it wouldn’t seem manly if men did it for other men. But this is so wrong. We’re all just people.

Now, despite all this, it’s not completely about being treated like another human should be. I can’t lie – I do want some of the “perks” of being a woman, per se. Surprisingly, rather than other confused girls, a bro of mine took the time to remind me that there may be a better word to encompass what most women really want — egality.

As he put it, “They want… to be treated fairly for what they can accomplish. Not to be treated the same as guys”.

In this sense, we can be great CEOs or senators and wish to be given what we deserve when in such positions, while wanting to be treated different, particularly socially, depending on what we do in those respects.

So, there should be no such ultimatum in the first place, considering equality isn’t even what is really being sought. We just want the equal opportunity and reward.

But most importantly, we should remember we’re all human. There’s nothing wrong with paying for your bro’s meal. There’s nothing wrong with buying him a drink and not punching him in the face when he does something wrong. I’d like to see more guys who are confident in who they are and don’t give a hoot about who society wants them to be.

We should all be treated at a certain standard just for being human. Please stop threatening to treat me like something lower than that because of your insecurities. Thanks.