At 19 years old I already know I never want kids

tips

babe  • 

At 19 years old I already know I never want kids

Don’t tell me I’ll change my mind

When I was a child, I remember watching my mother’s exasperated face as I threw tantrums in a store, or cried about falling off of a swing, and a repetitive theme that ran through my head was always, “Why do I do this to her, having a kid would be exhausting.”

Of course I couldn’t help the crying or the tantrums; every five-year-old has at least one. What was peculiar was my knowledge from a very young age how much it takes (dedication, selflessness, patience) to raise a child. As I grew older I came to realize that I don’t want that lifestyle, not now…not ever.

The grown ups in my life would always say, “Oh, you’ll change your mind once you get older,” or laugh and remark, “Of course you want kids! You won’t lead a fulfilling life without them!” Now, ladies and gents, let me tell you a little something. No woman, ever, needs to have children to have a fulfilling life.

 

These were the remarks that followed me through middle school, high school, and my first year of college that haunted me. I would sit and ponder why boys didn’t have to ruin their bodies if they wanted children, why they would still have a strong bladder, minimal stretch marks, no saggy breasts, no swollen feet, pregnancy pants, morning sickness or labor pains… it all seemed grossly unfair.

Then one day, after years of careful contemplation I came to realize it was perfectly alright if I never want to have children, here’s why:

A woman’s body is her choice

Yes, society will shame you if you choose not to have kids, but when all is said and done…who cares? It’s our body, it’s our right to decide whether we want to stretch it out. No husband, friend or family should ever be able to convince us otherwise.

Today a woman can be very successful on her own

It’s true, in the 1920s it was very difficult for a woman to have a successful job, because she was expected to lead a life at home too. Today, there’s not as much pressure. Bad-ass women who run businesses, handle politics or perform brain surgery are becoming increasingly popular, so it’s okay for me to choose a life outside the family, as long as it’s what I want.

Having a child means dedicating your life to it

Now, of course this is what some families want, I’m sure there is nothing more gratifying than watching your son or daughter grow up to be successful. But seriously, once you pop that thing out your world changes; it has to! So, it is completely okay for me to recognize that I want to dedicate my life to me, chasing my dreams, seeing how I can succeed, fulfilling my own prophecies.

 

I’ll leave you with this: when I told my mom I didn’t want kids, she said “then don’t have them.” She’s been right about every little thing in my life so far (as moms usually are), so I think I’ll trust her to be right on this one, and make the choice for me.

@TheTab