My dad’s cancer diagnosis made me a stronger young woman

Life is meant for living, and those who love you will want you to ‘keep on keeping on’


On the morning of October 14, 2013, the day after my siblings’ B’Nai Mitzvah, my family was delivered bad news. My father had been diagnosed with cancer after getting a biopsy on his neck.

My family the day before

The laughter and dancing from the night before was long gone. We were now left with empty, hopeless hearts. I remember listening to my mom break down as she told me when I got home from school that day. My two brothers were understandably devastated, and my sister did not get home until late that night.

The uncertainty was the worst part, but weeks later, it was determined to be Stage III Tonsil Cancer. All our plans – Thanksgiving, family vacations, etc. – were put on hold as my family rallied together to support my father on his long journey.

Four months, one invasive surgery, nine chemotherapies, and 33 radiation treatments later, my father was finally in remission. The pain of seeing him nauseous and struggling to get out of bed still sticks with me today, over two years later.

Although that time was an upsetting one for my family and I, the experiences I’ve learned from those dark few months have become lifelong lessons. Had I not had experienced this, I’d most certainly be a weaker person.

I learned that plans change – my dad wasn’t supposed to get cancer, but he did. And now, it was about learning to deal with the (sometimes harsh) punches that life throws your way, instead of complaining about them and feeling sorry for yourself. As a young woman in today’s world, there’s no time for sulking and pity – just action.

I also learned that there is always something to be thankful for. That Thanksgiving I was mad. I wanted no part in it – there was nothing to be thankful for. But, my father, with a smile on his face, felt fortunate. He told us it could be way worse, that he was with his family, and we would get through this, together.

In addition, dealing with uncertainty has long been a struggle for me. I hate waiting – I get anxious, I start getting shaky, nauseous, and at times can barely hold myself together, imagining the worst case scenario. My father’s diagnosis taught me to not worry about things, whether significant or trivial, until they come. Don’t waste time stressing about events or situations that ultimately may not even happen.

I learned how to rely on the support and love from others. Despite feeling vulnerable, it’s crucial to lean on friends and family during tough times – that’s what they’re there for, right?

When we first found out my dad had cancer, he told me not to put my life on hold for him – he told me to go on, experience the treasures of life, and be happy. Although I had tears rolling down my face (at this point in time we had no idea what his prognosis was), he was right. Life is meant for living, and those who love you will want you to “keep on keeping on” (as my mom says) and just enjoy life, and to not take it for granted.

This picture perfectly describes my Dad’s spirit

A teacher once said to me that cancer used to be thought of as the end of the world. Once you had cancer, you’re done – just buy a coffin and you’re set. However, we are not living in the Roman ages, but the age of modern medicine and hope. So just keep doing me, keep working hard, keep pushing, and at the end of the day the sun would still set and everything would be okay in its own weird, twisted way.

My dad is now 28 months cancer-free. Although it is a little nerve-wracking when he goes for tests and PET scans every month, we get through the waiting. We keep doing what we’re doing. We’re living, not worrying, and that’s what’s important.

And I am stronger because of it.