We spoke to young people who are into BDSM

There’s more to BDSM than just the wild side


BDSM can take on the form of multiple erotic activities that fall under the categories of bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism. However, people tend to forget that there’s more to BDSM than just the wild side. There’s a lot of trust that goes into the practice.

Following the widely talked about 50 Shades of Grey, more and more people began exploring their sexuality though BDSM. From starting small to experimenting with various forms they believe BDSM can help give confidence in the bedroom and can really spice things up in the bedroom.

Mathilda – “BDSM helps with my confidence in the bedroom”

“I’d say I first tried out BDSM officially during my freshman year of high school with my girlfriend at the time. But I knew about it before then. I was more curious than scared to try it out actually. It helped that my girlfriend was older and was also aware of it too, so it made it easier in my opinion. My current boyfriend is new to BDSM stuff so we have been taking it a bit lighter and slower – that way it’s comfortable for us both.”

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“In reality though, I think the level of BDSM I’ve experienced over the years has definitely progressed since the first time I started. I use a lot of tools and toys now. It varies per sexual encounter but some of the tools and toys I use are a blindfold, handcuffs, fuzzy handcuffs, leather cuffs, wrist and ankle restraints, a lot of collars, a leash, a ball gag, lingerie, bunny ears, cat ears, and a cat o’nine tails (whip).

“I have more toys ordered though that has yet to come in which include cat ears and tail, a collar with a lock, and another cuter butt plug with a rose design. That’s the thing about BDSM. Some people seem to think BDSM can’t have cute stuff but it can be very “cute” in all actuality. When I’m dating someone and they’ve given me a collar, I’ll usually wear it everyday.”

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“BDSM also seems to help me with my confidence in the bedroom. Even though I do sometimes get shy, BDSM tends to help lessen that. Heck, it even makes it go from a bad thing to being more of a fun experience for me personally.

“For those looking to try out BDSM, I’d definitely recommend research first to see what you may like and want to do, then discussing with your partner in advance what you’ll be doing. Planning a safe word is also very important.”

Brandon – “To be honest, I was scared”

“My dabbling with BDSM was never anything too serious: a spank here, a tying of the wrists and ankles with a necktie there, and a couple of bedroom nicknames. I really haven’t gone all the way into it.

“During my first time with BDSM, I wasn’t the one who proposed the idea. I kind of just went with it. To be honest, I was scared. I was afraid the whole using a necktie to tie up thing was crossing multiple boundaries. But she assured me multiple times it was okay. It relaxed me to know that it was something that was wanted. I’m still uber careful though.”

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“I am curious to try more things out though. My girlfriend and I are interested in at least exploring some options. We’re both really new to it, however, so we’re going to start slow. I would say I ‘want’ to stick the lighter stuff, but curiosity would get the best of me if she expressed any interest in doing more. Let’s just say if I were to go that far, my girlfriend suggested it.

“In my experience, BDSM is a lot of fun. It most certainly does not have that terrible ‘rapey’ vibe that a certain bestselling trilogy phenomenon about a number of shades of a certain colorant gives off though. To those looking to try, I’d tell them that if they are comfortable enough with their partner, then give it a go. I mean, I wouldn’t say to jump straight in, but to go slow, of course.”

Alex – “I really like being choked because I like being dominated”

“I actually didn’t really think about BDSM until a friend brought it up as a joke. After he brought it up, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I wanted to satisfy my curiosity and I found myself extremely eager to try it out.

“I first tried BDSM about eight months ago. I was the one to initiate it. Vanilla sex was getting boring. My partner was really surprised that I wanted to try it out because I brought the subject up randomly in conversation but he was eager nonetheless.

“I’ve tried handcuffs and rope, but mostly I’m handcuffed to the bed – nothing too hardcore. However, I really like being choked because I like being dominated. There is something about looking up at a guy and seeing that particular look of authority in his eyes that really intensifies a sexual experience for me.”

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“Also, BDSM actually gave me more sexual confidence. I used to be very insecure in the bedroom. I was afraid of asking for what I wanted and I usually let the guy take charge. Then I realized that I wasn’t getting pleased during sex because I wasn’t vocal about what I wanted or how I wanted to be pleased. After I suggested BDSM and tried it out, I discovered many different pleasures of sex. I also discovered that guys love it when a girl demands what she wants, which gave me the confidence to call the shots. It’s also made more open to talk about sex and inspired me to buy more sexy leather pieces.”

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“Personally, I would recommend BDSM to anyone who is looking to try something new in the bedroom. Sometimes conventional sex gets redundant, so BDSM is one good way to spice things up. I understand that a lot of people are reluctant to try BDSM, because their immediate association with it is the hardcore stuff, like being tied to the ceiling 50 Shades of Grey style. But some handcuffs or light choking could really make a difference, possibly improve sex for you, if it’s your preference. For those who want to change things up, but don’t want to do the hardcore stuff, I definitely recommend some light BDSM (name-calling, spanking, ropes, etc.).

“However, there seems to be a lot of stigma around the practice of BDSM and I feel that people who don’t really understand what goes into BDSM create it. I know that the highest tier of BDSM is a bit overwhelming for people who are only used to normal sex and I understand their shock, but I don’t think it’s fair for them to refer to those who practice BDSM as ‘perverts.'”

“BDSM has rules and is always consensual. When both parties consent to the actions, no matter how ‘crazy’ it is, no one is exploiting anyone. Everyone involved is into it, at least most of the time. People just place this stigma on BDSM because it is out of the norm and that makes it easier for people to make their judgment.”