I narrowed down my Facebook friends and found my husband
Two out of a hundred guys had what I was looking for
I got married at the age of 25. For some, it was a success story. For me, a young woman with travel-alone-and-find-yourself plans it was early. But why wait when you’re 100% sure he’s the right guy? Why wait when there is no way that you picture yourself with someone else other than him? Nowadays the problem, though, seems more about finding a good guy rather than saying yes to the already-found-good-guy’s proposal.
I see a lot of girls settle for literal assholes because “it’s not like there is a perfect guy out there waiting for them.” I hear assumptions thrown out there like “he might have cheated her but he’s not gonna cheat me,” or worse, “he’s hit me once but he won’t hit me twice,” or, “he promised me he’ll change.”
Social media gave us an amazing chance for stalking other people’s lives, what they go through, how they hold on, but it hasn’t given us any more of a chance to learn from others’ mistakes. Girls still try to measure their self-worth according to what their partners say about them. And for some reason, the energy and effort spent in the hope that he’ll change is more common than building hopes to find a new good guy. It’s like the odds are completely off the table.
I was shamed for not dating
As a young woman I didn’t date much, because I saw no point in making time for a person that I knew wasn’t for me. I didn’t believe that people changed. They never do. Besides, who I am to tell them to change just because I had dreamed of something different? It’s embarrassing, but I actually had a list in my journal about the characteristics of the guy I wanted to have in my life. And no one I had met carried those attributes altogether. My sister and my aunts criticized me for not trying harder, and said I was like a robot who didn’t behave like a young and sane person.
I didn’t let them get to me because, thankfully, my heart and brain work in coordination. My heart doesn’t easily fall for what my mind finds senseless. But believe me, it wasn’t easy hearing all that criticism and being really really lonely. So began the self-doubting. Was I really looking for something impossible? Was I actually being stupid by sticking to my standards? Maybe those standards weren’t even real? How was I supposed to know that Disney wasn’t behind all of this?
During another sleepless night, I was either going to explode or go on Facebook to get some statistics. Yes, statistics. I wanted to know my chances of finding ‘that guy’ in percentage. I had roughly 400 friends back then. I eliminated the elderly, children and the girls. I kept the family members, because all I needed was a number. I needed to know if a guy like that existed at all, and if he existed, what was the percentage? After the elimination process, I was left with around a hundred profile pictures staring me in the face. So the second phase began.
When the result was finally there, I never felt happier. It was beyond pleasing. Two out of a hundred guys actually had what I was looking for! Two! Ha! Told you my sister was wrong!
One of the finalists was my cousin- told you I was only looking for a percentage. Great guy, though. And the other was the son of my mom and dad’s closest friend’s.
Bam. A slap in the face.
Why hadn’t I ever thought of him? The guy I was looking for my entire life existed! Why didn’t I have a clue? Well, the fact that he lived exactly 10,280 miles away probably helped…
I knew he was still away, but I couldn’t help but wish for him to somehow find me every single night before I went to bed. And some random day when I totally forgot him, he texts me out of the blue wishing me a happy new year and asking how I am. Until that day, he had never ever texted me. We started talking, and he visited me after a couple of months.
Two years later we got married
Do we never fight? No. Is he perfect? Absolutely not. I’m not perfect, either. But the fact that what we are both sensitive about life is very similar, we both love smiling, and the respect we have for one another has been enough to found a strong basis for our relationship.
‘That guy’ exists, girls. Even if he doesn’t pop right onto your face on social media, calculate the percentage and if it’s not 0%, he’ll show up somewhere. Please, don’t settle for assholes. Please.