It is a good idea to text that person you barely know

Except for when it goes horribly wrong


I am renowned by my close friends for regularly acting outside the rules of conventional discourse, and to be fair, it is true.

I like getting to know new people and making new friends, but even I can admit that I often reach out to others I barely know when it is not conventionally appropriate. Even though it can be embarrassing and definitely awkward, I enjoy making an effort to meet people in a society that is – in my view at least – too afraid of being judged by others. And so, I will continue to defend my somewhat unusual and socially risky behavior on two principles:

I have an unexplained, almost impulsive, urge to test social boundaries

While I do think the unspoken rules that govern our interpersonal interactions are indeed necessary and very important, I think that in a world more connected than ever, we have developed a culture of isolation. I think that nowadays, despite having the means to contact almost anyone imaginable, we are less likely and less inclined to engage with those around us.

This brings me to my second point.

I openly and consciously oppose the way that people so often feign disinterest in others

In a world where we can know anything about our neighbors, acquaintances, and study group members by a quick cruise through their online presence, we have more opportunities than ever to make connections with our peers, to discover common ground and to engage in the world around us. But this has not, in my experience, been the case. And I have strangely made it my personal mission, for good and for bad, to find out what happens when you send a near stranger a message asking them to hang out. Here are a few real-life scenarios for reference:

Your life continues as usual

I have found that most of the time people respond favorably to messages, even if they are completely out of the blue. But also most of the time, nothing comes from your daredevil tactics except perhaps a nice cup of coffee. In this particular circumstance, I saw a guy I had once worked a shift with at school come up as a suggested friend on Facebook. I added him and messaged him right away, remembering our pleasant conversation during the shift. He responded with his number and we scheduled a time to meet for coffee, but then went our separate ways and I have not seen him since.

You maintain connections

Four years ago, I spent two weeks in Spain with a Spanish language abroad program for high school students. There I met two boys from England who I recently reconnected with when I spent a semester in London. We were not especially close during those two weeks, nor have we communicated in the years since. But when we saw each other, the conversation wasn’t awkward, and I found it interesting to see where their lives had gone and to compare memories from the trip we were on together.

You embarrass yourself horribly

This does happen. It is unfortunate, but inevitable, as I am sure you could have guessed. While I was abroad last semester, I decided to stay in London one weekend when most of the program had left to travel. I vaguely knew one guy from a class who was staying, but we had never really spoken. Figuring I had nothing (other than perhaps a piece of my dignity) to lose, I messaged him asking if he wanted to go out to a pub one night. He never responded. And thanks to Facebook, I am aware that he read it almost immediately.

In retrospect, I’m pretty sure he thought I was asking him out on a date. But what can you do. We never spoke anyway, so me avoiding him at all costs in class was nothing short of normal behavior, right?

Your friends think you’re a freak

This is also inevitable. After hearing so many embarrassing moments that could have been avoided, and trying to keep up with the list of random people I “sort-of” know, they have finally accepted that I will continue to be weird, but they’ll love me anyway.

You find a friend (for life)

Last summer, after arriving in New York City for my summer job without knowing another person on the island of Manhattan, I decided to message a girl from my school, who I had heard through a friend, was also going to be there. We exchanged pleasantries at first and then agreed to meet for dinner one night. It is now a year later and we have (almost literally) been attached at the hip ever since. Recently we were talking about that first awkward ‘date’ and she confessed she thought we’d never really hang out again. But the joke is on her because not only did we study abroad together, we are both back in NYC for a second round this year.