What it’s like to live in Vietnam as a Western, white woman

I’m currently living in Vietnam for the month of June to do volunteer work in a little town about two hours outside of Hanoi City. To be honest, I’m loving it. The country is beautiful, the people are so lovely, and the food is 100 percent.

But no place is without its quirks, so while being here I have also experienced some rather interesting (some even unpleasant) events.

Here is my edition of ‘An Idiot Abroad.

People constantly take pictures of me

I am pale. I am a pale person. I do not tan, EVER. To me, this is rather unfortunate. All my life I have been denied a fresh sun kissed glow. No one has ever asked me if I’ve been on vacation, I’ve been referred to about ten different spray tan places, and there is no shade of clothing on God’s green Earth that will not make me look washed out.

In the US, this sucks. But in Vietnam it is the picture of beauty. The Vietnamese women have gorgeous, golden skin, but they spend a huge amount of effort to keep it covered in the sun so that it will not get darker (there is even skin lightening cream). I think I have found the only place in the world where I would be considered exotic rather than pasty, and to be honest I feel a little guilty. The amount of women that pass me in the streets that put me to shame are countless, and they should be the ones who are complimented and looked up to (for so much more than their skin tone).

Because I am so pale, it is not uncommon that people ask to take a picture with me, or just go ahead and do it. Not even exaggerating. I’ve gotten into countless selfies, people have posed me with their daughters, and at the Ho Chi Minh Museum a mother even said to her kids, “Go stand next to the white lady.”

People (unsurprisingly) ripping me off

This is nothing new in foreign countries, especially with cab drivers and street vendors. However, I have experienced it tenfold in Vietnam, and notably less than my male friend.

Haggling is a widely accepted form of negotiation in Vietnam, and I have tried my hand at it. Turns out I’m not bad. But since I had never done it before I watched and took some notes a few times before trying it out, and there was a huge difference between when men would haggle and when women would haggle. Men usually wound up with the better deal and with less arguments.

Maybe this is because men are seen as more assertive, maybe this is because the majority of the vendors that I have come across are women, but either way there is definitely a gender bias when it comes to price.

Like do they think that I’m hiding money up there or something? I am not going to pay more for your mangosteen just because I don’t have a banana between my legs. (Fruit humor, try a mangosteen.)

Men offering me a ride on their motorbike (or almost killing me on them) 

In Vietnam it is not very common for people to drive cars, the preferred form of transportation is by motorbike. They are everywhere, they are fast, and they do not stop. Crossing the street is a game of life or death (life or fried noodles?) and I have almost lost far too many times.

Because bikes are so open (no windows, no doors, no barriers or sound proofing), it makes it all the more easy for men to cat call women, they don’t even have to bother to roll down the window.

So I’ve been asked far too many times (and been far too tempted to say yes in the 94% humidity) to hop on the back of a perfect stranger’s bike.

Deciding to stop wearing underwear (for as long as possible)

Vietnam in the summer is hotter and more humid than the gates of hell. Things are quite… suffocated. So, the easiest solution? Just don’t wear underwear! Get a nice breeze going down there, it really does wonders. Maxi skirt, no panties? Priceless.

I went on like this for a few days until I tragically got my period and then had no choice but to wear underwear. This felt like a huge loss for me and my vag.

Having your period in what “feels like” 117 degree weather is just indescribable. It is hot, things are sweating, things are bleeding, and my pads kept sticking to the inside of my leg. It was messy and miserable to say the least.

Vietnam in the summer is not a period friendly environment and I really think that inventions need to be made to intervene with this. A cooling pad? A little fan for your vag? A flight home until Aunt Flow returns to the hell she came from? All grade A options.