Practical date ideas to help you find the right suitor

We all know the scenario: you’ve been invited to a dinner date by a potential suitor, but a half hour in and you’re unable to focus on his bland story that’s accompanied by loud, obnoxious chewing. You rack your brain for potential excuses for a swift exit, discreetly going to the restroom to tell your best friend to call you during the date about some tragedy loudly enough that he can hear and understand that you must regretfully leave.

Or, you’ve been dating a guy for a few months, just to slowly discover that his disposition is less than sunny, and more and more irksome traits appear out of nowhere. What a waste of time.

With my date ideas, I hope to provide a guide that will help you find the right suitor sooner, saving time and emotional trauma from hearing high school gym hero stories on repeat.

Movie theater

Yes, I’m aware, the movie theater date is so overdone. But then again, who doesn’t love going into a dark room with someone whom you hardly know and leaving the same theater with someone whom you still hardly know because you had absolutely no chance to talk? I know I sure love this awkward venue. However, it can be advantageous if done correctly.

Begin to watch the film. If he constantly asks questions about the plot before the answers are given through the natural progression of the movie, tell him the next part of the plot is him leaving the theater so you can enjoy the damn movie in silence.

Nap date

The nap date is a very decisive strategy for obtaining the right suitor. For this date, it’s preferred that you use a room that has two twin beds (after all, you haven’t known this guy for long). You invite him with the premise that it’ll be a cute cuddling sesh. Once he arrives, give him some ZZZquil or NyQuil. Next, you both climb into separate beds. While he slowly eases into a slumber, be sure to stay awake and observe. If he starts to snore, wake him up and escort him off the premise. Ain’t nobody got time for snorers.

Pet store

Who doesn’t love a pet store filled to the brim with adorable, tiny animals who are dying for attention and love?! There’s no need for awkward formalities like there is with say, a dinner date, and the price tag is nonexistent. You simply bring the guy into the pet store and see what animals he gravitates towards. If he approaches the birds first, you can conclude that he has no personality and has to go. If he approaches the cats, immediately call security to escort him out. If he walks right to the puppies, you know you’ve found a potential keeper.

Car drive

This date is the ultimate decider. I must say, it does require some preparation. First, prep the car by inserting a Nickelback CD (If you need help finding one of these, check your local dumpsters; that’s where I’ve had the most luck). While picking him up, ensure that Nickelback is playing in the background. If he doesn’t IMMEDIATELY show signs of disgust and ask to change the music, push him out of the moving car.

Family reunion

Invite the potential suitor to your humble abode, and tell him it’s going to be a great day full of food and fun. Keep it vague enough that you don’t have the guilt of being a liar, but not so vague as to arouse suspicion. What your suitor doesn’t realize is that you’ve also coincidentally scheduled a family reunion for the same day! If he can’t handle the pressure of meeting Uncle Joe, Aunt Tammy, Aunt Jemima, Uncle Robby, Grandpa, Granny, your cousins, your cousins’ second cousins, and your cousins’ second cousins’ families all at once, escort him out.

Well, there you have it. I hope you put these to good use and never again find yourself ruing the day you agreed to go on a date with a potential suitor.