The ‘best’ relationship advice actually sucks

These ‘tips’ only create unnecessary drama


Romantic relationships have become a game in pop culture. Magazine covers scream everything from “How to seduce a man in 10 easy steps” to “15 things girls do that turn off guys,” pelting us with to-do lists of how to edit our flaws and perfect ourselves. We are encouraged to lead guys on, temper our personality traits, and play mind-games. These common, awful pieces of advice ruin the potential for healthy relationships.

“Wear this, not that!”

Wear red because it’s sexy, wear black because it’s slimming, wear sequins because they’ll catch his eye. Smokey eyes are sultry, bright lipstick is flirty: a woman’s personal choice is analyzed and translated into how it will be perceived by men, and handed back to us so that we may adapt our decisions accordingly. Lipstick is often marketed as kissproof which is great, but not necessarily every girls’ first concern. I think probably just as many of us would appreciate taco-proof lipstick.

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“Wait for him to call/text you”

We somehow have it drilled into our heads that whoever sends the first text is desperate. It’s like a silent competition to see which person cares less. We read texts, ignore them, hold off on responding for hours or days. If they take 15 minutes to reply, we take 30 to show that we’re even less “needy,” to win in the aloofness category. And as much as we appreciate our friends co-authoring our texts, why do five sentence messages need editing and re-editing, why does simple interaction have to be so serious? If we were to be more relaxed and open with each other, without the constant need to impress, we wouldn’t be constantly traumatized over “OMG he said hey with a smiley face but the squinty eyed smiley face with eyebrows not the regular one, what does that MEEEEAN?!?!”

“Play hard to get”

We’re supposed to flirt and retreat, flirt and retreat, dangling ourselves in front of a prospective partner like a toy that remains slightly out of reach. We feel the need to lead each other on, to conceal our true feelings, to avoid getting “trapped.” Dating becomes a tug of war, a toying with emotions that looks like fun in movies, but in real life can be strained and hurtful.

Model is wearing Tac-a-lot lipstick in shade 03, Spicy AF

“Read between the lines”

From a young age, we’re told “Oh, if Mark was picking on you in school, it means that he has actually a crush on you!” and “Sure, Jen said she’s not interested, but that really means she secretly likes you and wants you to chase her.” Situations like these condition us to look past reality in search of what we want to see, creating a society where people form their own conclusions about others, irrespective of fact. Where people say that a victim wearing a short skirt and heels is at fault for being raped, because her outfit was clearly “asking for it.”

This dangerous blurring of yes versus no starts with reading between the lines, with interpreting “signals” and ignoring facts.

“Avoid negativity, be bubbly and fun!!”

Yes, happy people are nice to be around. But not everyone has a belle of the ball personality. Not everyone likes being the center of attention; some people are quiet, some people are shy. Yet, to attract a guy, girls are told to “smile” and be super cheerful. And whenever we get upset or angry about something, we’re dismissed as being crazy and on our period. God forbid a girl express unhappiness because her uterus feels like it’s mixing cement.

And finally,

“Just be yourself!”

Sadly, this catch-all urge is always preceded by instructions detailing exactly how to be yourself. Have a good body, be intrigued by your significant other’s interests, and of course be eager in bed, as “one of the best ways to keep him attracted to you is by having great sex.”

Among all these heaps of advice, girls are rarely told to value themselves. To seek a relationship that is genuine and heartfelt, and not based on mind-games. To show off their intelligence and drive, and not solely their neck and shoulders.

It’s time we fight back, and grow beyond, this insincerity and drama that damages relationships.