Despite what people think, being gay in the South is freeing

Gay Southerner. Gay. Southerner. Two words that do not seem quite right together. For years our pop culture – our films, our music, our books, our government – has told us that being gay in the South isn’t easy and that you are alone in your struggles. However, I beg to differ.

Being a gay Southerner is intimidating, yes, but it is also freeing. You’ve overcome society. You’ve gone against the grain. You’ve been brave and bold. You’ve defied all odds and became the truest version of yourself and it is by no means bad.

The South, though late to the party, is becoming more accepting. We have put our personal beliefs to rest and put our humanity first. A common thing I heard as I was coming out was: “It’s a lot different when it’s someone you love.”

People still may not approve of what you do, but they are not going to disown you as a son, brother, or friend. The familial bonds of the South are resilient and outweigh personal beliefs that tend to be firmly routed in Christianity and tradition. Yes, you probably lost a few friends on Facebook and a follower or two on Instagram, but who needs them? These are not people you want in your life.

There is a common misconception about the South. Outsiders think of us as backwoods and unaccepting, but that simply is not true. Sure, we have several rural areas that are set in their ways more than most, but we also have cities like Atlanta, Birmingham, Charlotte, New Orleans, Columbus and many more all across the region that are progressive and becoming more and more liberal with their social policies. All of these cities are culturally diverse and have strong LGBTQ communities. Being gay in the South no longer means that you have to live a lie because of the society around you.

Through it all, we have become strong. We grew up around bigots all while knowing we were different. This built our confidence up and gave us the will to fight and not succumb to the “norms” forced upon us by our culture. We have to be strong. There is no other option because we are still surrounded by homophobes. Several of our politicians do not support marriage equality and do not believe we should have rights, like Robert Bentley, the governor of Alabama, who is very vocal against gay marriage. We need thick skin and we have it.

We are good people. We will put our family and friends before ourselves, just like any good Southern man. We care extra for you – we know pain, guilt, fear and seclusion and because of this, we will happily be there for you whenever you need us.

Our families mean the world to us – especially our mamas. We love our mamas more than anything in the world, as do most Southern men. If you get to meet our mom, you know you’ve made it into the big leagues. We put her first and you second and we aren’t changing.

Lastly, we are just like you. More and more people down here seem to be thinking this way. We are no longer viewed as lesser or unclean. We are viewed as humans, as everyone should be. We are being given more and more rights that help us to live a happy and free life.

However, our predecessors’ struggles cannot be forgotten. They are the true heroes of acceptance today because without them we would still feel as though we were lesser and unclean, that our differentness is inherently wrong and that we do not deserve to live a happy life. So, to them I say thank you.