How to annoy your Facebook friends throughout the election

The most liberating part of social media is the ability to self-identify. We construct profiles that present our places within the culture. While this is perfectly harmless in some cases (sharing musical tastes, nostalgia for ’90s TV shows), it’s the complete opposite in others (#Gamergate, the anti-vaccination movement).

One strand of self-ID that fits in either category is American politics, and nowhere is this more apparent than Facebook. No matter how active a user you are, you will ALWAYS bitch about a relative/friend/colleague’s political posts. They’re as ubiquitous as Buzzfeed listicles and cooking videos from Tasty.

But if you’re the kind of person who LOVES to annoy your Facebook friends by complaining about Republicants or LIBRULS, then consider this a guide throughout this harmonious election cycle.

Be a #BernieBro

 

As of this writing, Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders is still in the race for the Democratic nominee, despite Hillary Clinton needing fewer than 100 delegates to clinch the nomination. As this news has started to dawn on Bernie supporters, chaos erupted at the Nevada Democratic convention on May 14th over corruption allegations and confusing delegate math. Sanders himself has expressed support for a challenger to DNC chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz, in addition to calling the Democratic nominating system “rigged.”  From now to the convention, Sanders supporters will loudly and annoyingly express their frustration. So if you’re still Feeling the Bern and believe Hillary is (somehow) the same as Donald Trump, then state your discontent with the system, man.

Be smarmy

If you love to hear yourself talk and believe your didactic 200-word post will enlighten your audience, this is perfect for you. Your smarmy self-righteousness will cause readers–even those who agree–to roll their eyes and make a wanking motion. It’ll be even better if you’re a college sophomore who’s read Noam Chomsky for the first time and has become #woke.

However, you won’t understand why people go to Facebook in the first place. It’s not to read a logical, well-constructed post; more often than not, it’s to seek the complete opposite of that. We’re so ingrained in our political biases that a post/meme from the opposing side won’t change a damn thing.

But if you’re someone who doesn’t understand this concept and wants to show off your college education, then explain away.

Call politicians horrible things

 

If you have a relative/friend/colleague that posts garbage like this, you know the knot in your stomach that comes when you it. How can the person who I like/love/get along with be the same person posting THAT?, you ask. These posts are a sad and unfortunate part of the people who post them; there’s no excuse for using thinly veiled racism towards the President/First Lady or calling a female politician a “bitch” (or any of its variants).

Sure, if you want to call politicians names that border on bigotry, then go ahead. That doesn’t mean, though, that your Facebook friends won’t unfriend you.

Do whatever Curt Schilling does

For those who don’t know what I’m talking about, let me explain. Curt Schilling was an MLB pitcher for nearly 20 years and spent six years as an ESPN baseball analyst. An outspoken conservative, Schilling became more known for sharing political memes on social media than his baseball analysis. In April, ESPN fired Schilling after he shared a transphobic meme to his Facebook page.

Of all the different kinds of memes, political memes are by far the worst. The complete opposite of a smarmy post, a political meme takes an issue and oversimplifies it to a mind-boggling degree. If you enjoy logical fallacies, then memes will hit your sweet spots.

Since his firing, Schilling has doubled down on his meme-sharing. Consider this recent example:

There’s no way to compose a rational response to this, because a) the meme is really fucking stupid, and b) memes don’t require rationality in the first place.

If you’re a fan of sharing political memes, some of your Facebook friends will think you’re an idiot. Others, though, will think otherwise.