It’s not an alcohol problem if you’re drinking wine with your best friend

On a Tuesday night

| UPDATED

Take a second, and cast your mind back to remember your teenage self: the girl whose innocent mind used to watch women in movies pour themselves a glass (or three) of wine after a long day and was bewildered by it. You probably didn’t understand why they felt the need to do that did you? Why was this part of their day so important that they looked forward to it all day? Why did that first sip of wine make all their troubles go away?

Then there was this whole thing about “ladies’ wine nights” which always ended up in ex-bashing and gossiping about that bitch Michelle everyone hated as the wine kept flowing through everyone’s glasses. Why was wine the most important thing in this situation? Why did this somehow define the ladies’ friendship?

Fast forward to yourself now. Now you understand don’t you?

I thought so.

You’re at that point where your twenty-something self just needs a glass of Merlot at 8pm on a weeknight to ease the day off. It’s an added bonus that it’s actually good for you. You open the bottle, pour yourself a hefty amount in your favorite glass, resort to a comfortable position, and suddenly everything is better.

What follows is a concept unknown to men – you and your bestie spend the rest of the night with wine just as endless as the gossip that accompanies it.

Because it’s not an alcohol problem if you get wine drunk (best drunk) with your best friends.

Cheers.

A night in with wine is sometimes better than going out

It’s even better if it happens after a night out so you can brag and bitch about your one night stand. He did what? Drink up.

Wine is more popular than cocktails

And cheaper. And less calorific. And doesn’t expect as much class from you.

Sure we love going out for cocktails and getting hit on by the tall guy in the black top which really shows off his arm muscles but what we love even more is gathering around a magnum of Chardonnay and talking about it.

A glass of wine with dinner is supposed to make you skinny

Yeah, sure that’s why we do it. I’m just experimenting with the miraculous effect three glasses can have.

Red wine is scientifically proven to be good for you

Science, betch.

Apparently the antioxidants in red wine can reduce heart disease. So basically you heart wine, and wine hearts you.

You wouldn’t make a gin and tonic to chill at home

Obviously you’re not an alcoholic. Wine doesn’t count.

And gossiping about your colleagues who got together during the Christmas party doesn’t happen over g&ts.

Wine is the perfect drink for any occasion

You’re over vodka. You’re way past Tequila Tuesdays. You we’re never into rum. You’re too young for whiskey. The solution?

Wine is always the answer.

Whether it’s a Friday night dinner party or just a Monday, it’s always wine.

You can’t imagine breakups before wine

I feel sorry for my high school self who had to go through that.

Wine makes all your secrets come out

If you haven’t confessed that unhealthy crush you have on your coworker you haven’t had enough wine.

Your Snapchat friends probably think you’re a mild alcoholic

But do you give a fuck? No.

Drinking a glass of wine while wearing a face mask is just another day that deserves to be documented.

Drinking with your girlfriends is something close to a bonding ritual

All you need to join this club is an empty glass and a passion for bitching. We’ll accept you with open arms.

He broke up with you? Wine. He liked WHOSE picture? Wine. It’s been HOW long? Wine. It’s Monday? Wine.

So to all my fellow wine-aholics, here’s to us.