Every stage of your unproductive reading week

After a long five weeks of missing seminars, falling asleep in lectures and avoiding those “essential” texts like the plague, it’s finally reading week. If you’re lucky enough to have one, you’ll have fallen into that false sense of security that comes with no commitments for a whole week. Trust me though, it’s a trap.

Reading week prep

Attempting to be productive from day one

The week will start off with a long but manageable list of all the productive things that you aim to do: empty those five bin bags that have been stacking up, wash all your laundry, bedding and towels and catch up on those five seminars and seven lectures you’ve missed so far.

Yes, it may be optimistic but, with a whole week to fill, you may even find time to do some actual work. You won’t do anything on the list on the first weekend though. Who works on weekends? So on Saturday you have a lie-in and at 1pm decide to have cereal for lunch with that milk that is seconds from going off, which probably reminds you that you need to go shopping at some point too. Add it to the list.

Cereal, a student’s best friend

Monday

Suddenly it’s Monday morning and you wake up with a Revs stamp on your wrist. You have no idea where the rest of Saturday and Sunday went but it’s okay, you can start from now. With no milk, dry cereal is your only option. You eat it while trying to read which turns into three hours swiping through Tinder convinced you’ll meet the love of your life. You look at the time and its 5pm so too late for work and instead time for food.

Netflix and chilling on your own

Tuesday-Thursday

Tuesday and Wednesday go just as swimmingly with both Kuda and Salvo making guest appearances in your schedule. You spend all day Netflix and chilling on your own, “accidentally” letting the series continue because you were too lazy to stop the auto-play.

You wake up on Thursday morning, bleary-eyed and heavy-headed. Last night has completely ruined you. You still haven’t done a food shop so it’s cereal again at 3pm when you’ve finally heaved yourself out of bed. You’re making your second attempt to read of the week when you realise food was a bad idea and retreat back to bed with a bucket to watch First Dates.

Fibbers is off the cards for tonight. Maybe a movie night instead?

When the only thing you left from last night is your awful hangover

Friday

Three days left and you’ve adopted the “I deserved a break but I will start now” attitude … after you’ve slept off the regrets from Fibbers last night. The movie night didn’t go to plan.

You team up with a flatmate and actually get your washing done. Finally, something to tick off the list. After being so productive you reward yourself with a half an hour nap which turns into four hours of bliss.

The weekend

By Saturday you’ve given up and decide reading week should be renamed half-term. After all, they didn’t give you any extra work in primary school. At least you started off with good intentions.