Geese to be moved from campus after murderous rampage

What do you mean ‘check the date’?

York geese are no longer safe on campus after a genocidal religious group caused chaos among the fowl.

Reports have surfaced of what are believed to be an archaic Pagan group killing off geese on the Uni of York campus.

The heartless killings are thought to be a sort of sacrifice, though by whom is unknown.

Around four geese have been attacked so far, though the total number is unconfirmed. Several weapons were found at the scene, including a plastic axe and wooden sword believed to have been purchased in the Jorvik Centre Gift Shop.

One witness, Jemima P-D, said: “It was unreal. I was like, what is going on?”

After mating season has ended, it is understood that the geese will be transferred to a local farm in southern Fulford, and the matter investigated further.