Found: Dildo in the Tang

When second year Lucy Harling stepped out of her house this morning she had no idea what horror awaited her in the street.

How little did she know…

Merely the sight of Tang Hall in the grey Yorkshire winter and the impending thought of morning lectures is normally enough to make someone outwardly depressed but the stakes were raised today with the discovery of a dildo lying meekly lying in the road outside her door.

The phallic-shaped stimulator in question.

The Caucasian dildo, which looked to be about 9 inches in height and weighing in at approximately just under a kilogram, has yet to been paired with an owner but there are rumours circulating that it may be connected to a second dildo discovery at the University of Birmingham this week.

As with any discovery of this hilarity at university, the event was captured swiftly and put on Instagram. However with only 11 likes on the photo so far, you have to wonder if the Applied Social Science student’s friends are keeping suspiciously quiet about the affair.

Using ‘lol’ to hide her pain. A classic coping mechanism.

Although an opinion from the local community of the Tang has not been sourced yet, one must assume from the silence that this kind of thing is a regular occurrence down there.

Obviously the search for the culprit is still on going at the moment but from the looks of things people should keep their eyes well-peeled for a sex-starved male or female who enjoys wall or hard floor-mounted action, judging on the base of the instrument.

For any tip offs or clues that anyone may have on this breaking story, please get in touch with The Tab so we can start rebuilding poor Lucy’s life and make one Yorkie sex-lover very happy indeed.

Have you lost your dildo? Email [email protected]