Freshers say the dumbest things
They’ve come a long way
Congratulations to all the Freshers who joined York Uni last September.
Remember how stupid you were when you arrived?
Some people come to university to get a degree, so they can get a job and buy nice stuff. Others come to uni for three years of partying and spending the loan company’s money.
And some come to university to gain power, prestige and popularity by becoming the Halifax mascot. £9K a year well spent.
Parents usually pack off their kids to uni armed with enough paracetamol and shampoo to last a whole term, or until one of the parents is guilt-tripped into visiting. This fresher’s parents are far wiser.
Their child is going to York, clearly they must send them with Yorkshire Tea and Yorkie biscuits. Good thinking, parents.
York Uni is a very prestigious university, filled with smart-arses like yourselves. But this particular fresher seems to have got a little confused.
She seems to think she’s bagged a place at Newcastle uni… The only false nails you’ll see in York is at the weekend when the locals are out in full force. Brace yourselves.
When at home, the cupboards seem to always be stocked full of delicious treats. Food always just happens to be there when you need it. At uni you’ll open your cupboard to baked beans, vodka and Aldi’s take on cornflakes.
As unappealing as this sounds, if you’re flat sharing with this particular fresher you may want to lock up your baked beans.
Everyone is entitled to their own personal style. And by the looks of it we have 20 dreadlock fans on campus. On a side note, there is a hairdressers located next to Nisa. Just saying.
Parents often add their children on Facebook to ‘keep an eye’ on them. Most of them promise never to comment or post something stupid. This fresher’s dad made no such promise.
Use your time wisely to edit your privacy settings. There is no need for your parents to see you with your head in a toilet whilst people you have only just met take selfies. Our dear mothers will all get very worried.
Reading this automatically makes you think this guy is a massive knob head. Upon delving into the recent photos of this skinny fresher, we are asking ourselves: Does he even lift, though?
First year doesn’t count. Someone is offering to write you a First class essay. This means you can spend more time getting drunk and feasting on Willow’s prawn crackers. There’s no plagiarism. You don’t have to do anything at all.
Sounds like a flaw-proof plan to getting kicked out of uni.
Making cups of tea will be your new daytime procrastination hobby. As exams approach you do actually feel guilty when you’ve spent all day in bed watching Breaking Bad. So tea-making is your best option.
And if you’re putting the kettle on you might as well ask your entire flat if they want a drink too. And a biscuit. And a chat. Which will guarantee last a minimum of one hour.
Freshers pages are filled with people trying to swap rooms. Maybe because they can’t afford the one they were given. Or they want a room closer to their lecture. Or they’ve been given a standard room in the dump that is Halifax.
Yes there may be more of a “community spirit”, but when your walk to the library is almost 30 minutes, community spirit can do one. Good luck Halifax freshers xox