The trials and tribulations of being bloated 24/7
We’re in this together sisters
Periods, childbirth, cramps and menopause are just some of the shit that girls have to deal with. But, it doesn't just stop there. We also have the privilege of experiencing the horror that is bloating.
There are definitely guys who are also sadly prone to bloating since it gorgeously accompanies IBS and intolerances – but for some reason us girls seem to have it real bad. And unfortunately, given the expectations of girls and how we are meant to look (yes I'm bringing in beauty standards, kill me), bloating can be a real downer.
But you're not alone. And to summarise how much bloating sucks, here is a list of the daily struggles girls have when bloating strikes:
Not being able to wear that tight dress because you have a nasty belly bump from eating a yummy meal
That pregnant look just isn’t sexy for a clubbing night. It sucks! We spend so long choosing a cute dress to wear, and then we take a few bites before we leave or drink a tiny bit of alcohol and suddenly we’ve been expecting for three months.
Having to eat three hours before getting drunk and then getting really badly drunk because you haven’t eaten in so long
Finding that balance between eating a good amount to maintain a perfect drunken level and ensuring we don’t balloon up from eating a carby meal is a such a struggle.
We'll eat a small dinner to make sure we don’t look huge in our tight hugging outfit but then end up throwing up what’s left of it because our empty stomachs couldn’t handle all the vodka.
It's time we rally together, line our stomachs and appreciate the bloat.
Eventually giving up what you look like and stuffing your face with whatever ridiculously overpriced fast food is available outside the club
Because a cheeky burger and chips is so worth it. Realistically, we're tired, half our makeup has come off and our hair is 5x bigger than when we left… may as well enjoy some food because our appearance isn't ace either way.
Giving up with jeans and going into uni in trackies or pyjamas
Sometimes jeans are such a no-no. We just want to relax all day and be comfortable knowing if our stomach expands those track pants will be loving and supportive. Oh and looking nice for uni anyways is effffort.
Taking bikini photos on holiday before you’ve eaten anything
Delaying any kind of food eating until 50 photos in the same bikini have been taken. The slim bod doesn’t last forever, so it's crucial that no food is consumed until that perfect Instagram-worthy bikini picture is taken. Only after will we feel okay scoffing three burgers.
Secretly unzipping your jeans after a big meal hoping no one notices
Wearing that baggy top was so worth it, no one will see the fact that we're spilling out of our jeans. We feel the zipper digging into our belly flub. And then we frantically do it back up when it's time to leave and remember how awful it feels to bloat in jeans.
Not even knowing what it is that bloats you
One day its pasta and the next day its cheese. Let's not forget pizza and cookies and cake and literally everything we love. WHY DOES GOD MAKE IT THIS WAY. And then we try to cut foods out to help with the bloating only to find that we still bloat. We then give up and just eat everything and suffer.
Despite bloating being an absolute ass for us girls who try so hard to look relatively decent, it does allow (and yes here comes the female empowerment speech) us to learn how to love our bodies in every form that they come.
Hopefully, our big bloated bellies will be something to laugh about and embrace – taking pregnant pictures for bants and not really caring when all we want is to get drunk, eat what we like and have fun.