Here are all the best places to nap at Warwick, tried and tested

Absolutely no-one asked. One brave Tab writer answered.


With the end of term creeping ever closer, us poor uni students haven't got a lot of time. So, if you're going to fit in your recommended seven hours of shut-eye, you're going to have to be creative. Lucky for you I've done all the hard work. Now, go forth and nap.

The Learning Grid

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Not exactly a hybrid foam quilted mattress, but it'll do.

Apart from the judgemental stares, having a nap in the Learning Grid isn't so bad. It's safe and warm with a key card entry point that guarantees no stray Coventry students can amble their way in. The booming keyboards of the Macbooks even have their own kind of soothing quality after a while – like white noise or whale sounds.

One major problem, however, is the all too firm nature of the sofas. I don't know if the uni was cutting corners on their furnishing materials, but this make-shift bed is a guaranteed back ache if you rest your head for more than fifteen minutes.

Final rating: 6/10 – comfy, but there's definitely room for improvement.

The Library

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A poor man's learning grid

When I decided to make the long journey all the way to the library I expected there to be at least a marginal improvement in mattress quality. However, l was sorely disappointed to find a noticeable decline. The sofas are clearly far too small to rest comfortably. So, in a desperate attempt to get a quick nap in I had to subject myself to this multi-coloured monstrosity. Honestly, an absolute waste of time. Sick of paying £9250 per annum for this heartbreak.

Final rating: 2/10 – An utter disappointment.

The UniExpress

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Imagine £12.95 for THIS – thank u, next

In all honesty, I have probably put more effort into sleeping on this hellish bus than I have put into my whole degree. A truly shambolic journey that was saturated with drunken singing and unintelligible chants. After some of the things I saw take place on this bus, it will be a wonder if I ever sleep again.

Final rating: -5/10 – it's a no from me.

Smack

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goodnight, cruel world.

Smack gets a lot of things wrong. There's no denying that. But, the comfy sofas on the top floor are a true godsend. Yes, the music might be terrible, but the quality of the furnishings is off the charts. If I had known about this prime napping location before I looked for housing I can guarantee that I would be a whole deposit richer right now. Music is too shit? Naptime. UniExpress doesn't come until 3am? Naptime. All of your friends have partners and you're destined to die alone? Naptime.

Final rating: 11/10 – Heaven on earth. Never stepping foot on that sticky dance floor ever again.

Neon

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Praying for a place to rest my weary head.

After the soaring heights of Smack, I was far too optimistic that every club would show me such hospitality. Apparently not. In a truly gut-wrenching turn of events, Neon had absolutely nowhere to nap. Every seat was snatched, every bouncer eagle-eyed. The place is like 1984 – under constant surveillance. Which meant I actually had to stay awake until it was socially acceptable to leave. Horribly inconvenient.

Final rating – 0/10 – There are no words.

Kasbah

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How can anyone sleep knowing decor that is this vile exists?

Everything is sparkly and everything is yellow. Despite the plentiful room I failed to find a single unoccupied space to nap. As a result I found myself relegated to the putrid bathrooms of Kasbah. Sure, they're a lot more spacious than Smack and Neon, but if you think I'm sleeping in a puddle of urine for an article you've got another thing coming. Besides that, the sounds of fellow clubbers emptying their stomachs a metre from your make-shift bed is incredibly unsettling.

Final rating: 4/10 – very roomy but just too sticky.

Tesco

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Every little (nap) helps

Tesco was a unique napping location in that it offered mobility. That was something I hadn't seen yet. Perhaps a wire cage isn't a fantastic substitute for a memory-foam mattress, but it is a lot more fun. There's something so joyful about the childlike feeling of being pushed from aisle to aisle. Yes, security might kick you out but hey, what's a life-time ban when compared to a restful nap?

Final rating: 8/10 – I should've started shopping at ALDI ages ago anyway.

The Void of Existential Dread

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Hello darkness, my old friend

The existential void is perhaps my favourite place to rest. Complete exhaustion with the shambolic state of my life ebbs me into a nice cat-nap, and all encompassing fear of failure makes sure I don't sleep too peacefully. In other words it's the perfect nap. You too can rest like this! All that is required are two overdue library books, a maxed out overdraft, and crippling anxiety.

Final rating: 1000/10 – I look forward to many more peaceful dreams here in the future.