Welcome to Warwick, here’s a list of everyone you’re guaranteed to meet
I say Warwick, I mean North London
Congratulations! The blood, sweat, tears and sleepless nights of the last two years have paid off, just so you can spend the next three to four years of your life in the humble city of Coventry. Feels great, doesn't it.
Freshers, you must be brimming with the excitement at what the next three to four years of uni life will hold for you. Perhaps you're even a bit nervous at who you may meet at Warwick uni.
Well, we're here to save you the angst and introduce you to the nine Warwick stereotypes you're bound to encounter in the next and best three years of your life.
The Maths or Physics Geek
Warwick is renowned for its Maths. It's everywhere on campus, from the million daffodils on the piazza, to circle games on a Wednesday which is essentially a drunk maths session. And thus it is the perfect breeding ground for the socially awkward, unbelievably clever Maths geek.
But don't be fooled, they definitely have better sex lives than you. After all, they're great with angles. They need the numerical skills, for in a few years time they'll be using that number crunching to make sense of the number of zeros at the end of their salary.
The "Warwick's shit and I'm too cool for this" dickhead
Right, let's be clear on one thing. Warwick is no Bristol or Leeds. It's nightlife is… unique. Which is why you will inevitably run into the student who thinks they're far too cool for Warwick. They'll criticise Warwick for being both unattractive and dull, while inhabiting both these characteristics themselves. Maybe they took a 'gap yah' and can't help but describe how uncool uni is compared to the six weeks they spent in Koh Samui.
They'll use the term 'afters,' when describing the hours of 3-6am in the corridor of Rootes while someone munches on a soggy kebab and someone else talks about how 'fucked' they feel. Watch out for them at Hush or Switch, dressed in the best that Depop has to offer.
The person everyone loved during Freshers', and now you've realised they're an asshole
There's no escaping this one. No matter what advice we give you, you'll definitely fall for thinking someone's great only to realise by week five, they're one of the worst people you've ever met.
You'll be their best friend in Freshers'. Maybe you'll even fancy this charismatic person. But people soon disappoint and it's not long before you realise this person is actually an attention seeking knob who doesn't do their dishes.
The finance hoe
Warwick is filled with a plethora of people ready to take the finance world by storm. Because you're right, the world definitely needs more bankers and consultants. This person will have spring weeks lined up before you can even finish saying Freshers'.
Come December, you may have just worked out how to get to the Post Room, while this person is already making a name for themselves as a Freshers Rep for Warwick Finance Society.
And while you've been making friends with people in your halls, this person is working on far more important connections – their LinkedIn Connections. You tell me – would you rather be friends with Callum, the guy with the speakers upstairs, or Sandra from Morgan Stanley, HR?
This special person will definitely live in Bluebell during first year and turn up to uni on the first day with a NutriBullet and their Longchamp. They'll constantly send you passive aggressive WhatsApps saying things like "you don't have to feed the sink you know!" accompanied with a picture of the kitchen sink filled with tagliatelle.
However, don't let this put you off. This person is very useful when it comes to Year Two when they bring their Fiat 500 to uni, meaning free lifts to campus!
The group chat admin
This person will be in charge of your flat group chat on day one, that first time you all meet in the kitchen. As soon as they can, they assert themselves as the one socially in charge. They know all that's going on, everywhere, in every year.
They're the person who scoffs when you suggest going to Assembly rather than Smack, and guides you on which Freshers' events to avoid, and which to attend.
You'll see them lurking around downstairs Smack, picking up information. And while you may think they're drunk, they remember everything. Unless on the odd occasion, they were "too drunk to remember anything at all." Don't fall for this trick, it's the classic technique of the Warwick group chat admin – the eyes and ears of all of Warwick's hot goss.
The London clique
Give campus a tube system and a Pret and it's basically London. They're one in the same. The Warwick Londoner is a prolific Smack goer and can be identified from an accent that sounds as a hybrid of being private schooled and forced roadman.
The London Clique men don their socks with sliders to lectures, while the girls can be spotted wearing either an Adidas jumper, or trousers with a red line down the side – a clear sign of their London roots.
London may be a huge city, but guaranteed these Londoners all know each other.
The passport slut
They've lived everywhere: Singapore, America, France before settling in grey Cov. Their Instagrams feature them on a boat in Mykonos with the caption "catching some vitamin sea #mykonos2018."
They can be found in the Learning Grid assembled with a group of equally attractive, equally worldly friends for you to gaze admiringly at.
The token Northerner
Warwick has been criticised for its particularly Southern student body. Which means finding a Northerner is rare and exciting. You'll sit for hours discussing whether it's dinner or tea, before repeating the word bath, to debate the correct pronunciation.
The token Northerner will laugh at your foolish ways as you declare how you think Birmingham was a Northern city, while you'll stare in shock and amazement as they go out into Leamington in December without a coat. It is these cultural relationships you will form at uni, that will make it some of the three most special years of your life.
If ur Yorkshire accent hasn’t got stronger at uni in rebellion against southern influence ur a nonce
— EddieKaye (@tedlad_kaye) December 7, 2017