University of Warwick

An open letter to club toilets in Leamington Spa

All I want is a bit of toilet roll

We've all been there. In the club, doing our thing, busting moves to banging tunes, when the sudden urge to break the seal comes crashing onto your bladder. No fret, just head to the toilet.

Trouble is, club toilets in Leamington don't deserve to be called toilets. I, along with the multitudes of other drunk girls I make friends with in the bathroom, am frankly sick of the vile sanitation in Leamington's 'best' club toilets.

WHERE IS THE SOAP?

No, I'm not complaining about empty soap dispensers that haven't been been refilled, I'm asking WHERE ARE THE ACTUAL SOAP DISPENSERS?

Correct me if I'm wrong, but it is a basic hygienic normality to wash your hands after you have done your business. So why are there no soap dispensers in your female toilets? Why should I have to remember to bring hand sanitiser into clubs so I can feel relatively clean after doing a wee? Why can't you provide some soap, and refill it before your big club nights, so that us girls can wash our hands?

I'm not asking for a £50 Molton Brown bottle of soap. Give me Aldi own brand. I don't care. I just want to be able to WASH MY HANDS.

WHY ARE THERE NO SANITARY BINS?

It's 2018. You know we bleed once a month. So why can't you provide sanitary bins in your toilets? Every club's female demographic is young, ovulating women. Would it be so hard to give us somewhere to dispose of our tampons and pads?

Students spend an average of 4 hours in a club at night. A menstruating woman should be changing her tampons and pads every 3-5 hours. DO YOU SEE THE ISSUE.

WHERE IS THE TOILET ROLL?

Frankly, I find this funny. I've had experiences where I've arrived to the club relatively early, and there are no toilet rolls in ANY of the cubicles in the women's toilets.

You are then forced to ration out half a loo roll you found on the floor between the 15 other girls waiting in the queue for the 2 available toilets. Or, if things get bad, go out and ask a guy to go into their toilet and bring us out a roll to use. I even know girls who have had to use the cardboard tube of an empty toilet roll to wipe themselves. I shudder at the thought.

Again, why not stock up and put a few rolls in each cubicle before a big night out? Why not have a staff member top up the toilet roll throughout the night? I really don't think it's difficult to fulfil this basic request.

HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF A LOCK?

Why should my friend have to hold the door shut for me while I'm doing my business? Why don't you understand that I don't want the queue of girls waiting to see me in the toilet? Please, please, PLEASE replace the broken locks on your doors.

WHY AREN'T THERE ANY DRYERS?

Or if there are any, WHY DON'T THEY WORK? After the trialling toilet experience you have just put me through, I am forced to dry my hands on my new Topshop jeans. Not ideal, and wouldn't be a massive deal if there was some toilet roll to wipe my hands on, but the likelihood of there being any is slim.

STOP INVESTING IN 'COOL' WALL DESIGNS AND GIVE US OUR BASIC TOILETRY NEEDS

The edgy graffiti doesn't hide the fact that your toilets don't flush properly. I don't care about the cute Barbie designs on the wall, I would rather have some soap to wash my hands with.

Your lavish designs and large mirrors are great for selfies and reapplying lipstick, but I'm sure that myself, and all your other female clubbers would rather have working toilets than an Instagrammable selfie spot. Get it together. Invest in our hygiene, please.