Everything you could buy with the money spent on your U1 bus pass

Because learning to jet pack would be a better use of time than waiting for the U1 in rush hour

The cost of the Stagecoach Unirider bus pass is enough to make anyone tear up.

£282 to stand for near to an hour on a packed bus, trawling along the A roads both to and from campus is a hit anyone living in Leam feels, as a sizeable chunk of their student loan disappears in seconds.

The next time you’re waiting over half an hour in the rain for a U1 due 15 minutes ago, just remember: there are definitely better ways to blow your student loan, and no, I’m not talking about getting a bike.

fuck u stagecoach

Q-Jump tickets for Neon every Friday of term

A night out at Neon is always one to remember, whether that is for the right or wrong reasons. You’ll be devoting every Friday you’ve got to the holy shrine of Calvin Harris remixes, sweaty grime and crappy throwbacks, and why not?

This is arguably the best £180 you could spend and you’d still have £100 left over for shots to wash down the taste of that Kelsey’s Eliminator. Why have guaranteed transport to and from your lectures when you can have guaranteed good nights out?

191 pints of Purple 

At Warwick, Purple is not just a colour, it’s a way of life. A pitcher of Purple is one of Warwick’s most redeeming qualities and a staple of circling. It’s pretty much a given that a couple of pitchers before Pop! will lead to you waking up on your bedroom floor confused at 7am, but you wouldn’t be a Warwick student if you did it any other way.

191 cheesy chips from Vialli’s 

You should know by now that there is only one way to end a night at Neon, and that’s with a pile of gooey, fatty, cheesy chips. With the money you save on a bus pass, you could afford to relive the sweet euphoria of Vialli’s cheesy chips nearly two hundred times. No more scraping your wallet for 20ps after a night out, you’ll be a baller. One hundred and ninety-one cheesy chips, please!

56 Bread Oven meal deals 

Preparing a lunch to bring to uni is effort: you’ve got to lug it around all day, pray it doesn’t spill all over your bag, then spend ages queuing in Fusion to use the microwave, only to find you’re already ten minutes late for your next seminar.

I know what you really want: a meal deal from The Bread Oven. Warwick’s wannabe Subway is the perfect lunch because it’s so easy, tasty and now somewhat cost effective! With the money you save on a bus pass, you could avoid that queue for the microwave in Fusion, or a soggy homemade sandwich or simply starvation fifty-six times. It’s a no-brainer.

Go skydiving 

You could go for a once-in-in-a-lifetime skydive for £235, leaving you with nearly 50 quid left to spare. Besides the fact that you’ll remember it forever, it will also be a great addition to the next game of “Never Have I Ever” at circle – anyone else who drinks is either a blatant liar or in the 0.00001 per cent of people who are part of Warwick skydive (yes that’s actually a thing).

A ridiculously cute puppy 

Deadlines are stressful. Exams are stressful. Lecture capture is stressful. Uni is just stress.

So make every day doggy de-stress day with a puppy of your own. With all the money you spend on a Stagecoach bus pass you could get yourself a new, fluffy flatmate. A flatmate that won’t steal your cutlery, eat your food, take too long in the shower or cry noisily over their ex-boyfriend every night. There is a reason dogs are man’s best friend.

After a long commute back to Leamington Spa trudging through rain and wind, who better to open the door to than your new best mate: this super cute Yorkie- Jack Russell pup could be him.

Take a city break

With all that spare cash, you could even have the chance to take in some culture in a city of your choice across Europe. A round trip to Barcelona, Madrid, Warsaw and more could be less than half what you’re spending on your bus pass.

Escape the bubble of uni and take in art galleries, museums, beaches and maybe even some cheap booze. What culture can the U1 offer you? Hint: listening in on conversations between Spanish Soc doesn’t count.

Buy a really crap car

Be honest, you hate the bus. If it’s not for the queues or the lack of seats, it’s the dirt, cold, rain and unavoidable million year walk to your house that just has to be the furthest from the church. But all that could change, with the money you save from your bus pass, you could get your very own home on wheels, albeit a very crap one, like this 2002 Ford Fiesta. No more waiting for buses and traipsing in the cold, now you can look forward to McDonald’s drive-thru’s that you can afford with the £42 spare – everyone’s a winner.

A different film every week

This one goes out to the movie buffs. Instead of forking out for a bus pass, you could treat yourself to a different movie every week of term. OK, technically this is £3 over budget but this is a chance to escape reality once a week. Worth it? Obviously. Just ignore the crushing reality that you have absolutely no way of getting to the cinema.

Get a mortgage on a small property

While I can’t actually verify this, I’m sure it’s probably not far off.

Next time you’re stood on the U1, clinging to a handlebar for dear life in a sea of similarly, dismal faces, just remember there are at least four much better things you could’ve spent your £282 on. Perhaps not as essential, but definitely way better.