How to survive your first day at Warwick

The first day will separate the men from the freshers


So you’ve done it – you’ve studied hard, you got the grades, made the cut and now it’s gonna say Russell Group all over your CV forever.

Your parents are pleased, it’s the first time you’ve made them feel that you were a blessing in disguise, rather than the mistake they always thought.

Now what do you want? You want your freedom, and there’s nowhere you’d rather get it than in a grey, urban campus in the middle of the Warwickshire countryside. No one to tell you what to do, when to get up, what to eat, wear, or say. It’s like the gap year you never had because you were studying, and daddy had a better sense of priorities.

Fresh 3

It’s all downhill from here.

Move in, set up and prepare yourself

You will end up in a Rootes kitchen at some point during Freshers’ Week, whether you live there or not. Bluebell is where the rich people live and has more security than Fort Knox. If you do end up there, feel lucky. Jack Martin and Arthur Vick are near enough identical, you’ll have a good time don’t worry. If you live in Westwood, get used to the jokes, you’ll hear them all, “is living in Westwood affected by Brexit?” or the classic “Do you commute from Westwood by plane or boat?”.

Whitefield will always be called Shitefield, the reasons being self-explanatory when you see them. Lakeside, Sherbourne, Heronbank and the other lakeside accommodations are all nice enough when you live there. Let me just reassure you, it’s a hell of a walk of shame, and watch out for the geese, they’re no real threat, but they walk around like they own shit, and I heard they can break a man’s arm.

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Discovering the wonders of Coventry and Leamington

Set the scene

You rock up in October, nervous and giddy with anticipation, you open the door to your flat and assess the situation.

Firstly, grab two cupboards in the kitchen, a fridge shelf, and a freezer shelf. Do not negotiate, do not compromise, establish yourself as the alpha, you are the new you and this is the time to prove it. Mark your territory in any way you see fit that conforms to standard hygiene regulations, you will need it.

Secondly, find your room and move in your amassed collection of totally unnecessary crockery, your excessive collection of clothes, and the vast amount of stationary that you’ll never use. Make sure the bed is comfortable, not because anyone will be joining you, but because you will be napping all the time.

Lastly, get rid of your parents. Down the tea/prosecco/nostalgia, kiss your mother goodbye, hug your old man until you can feel the heat of his repressed pride and wave them off while you make the first steps into the world of alcohol, sexual frustration and wasted potential, which is the dictionary definition of Freshers’ Week.

Fresh 2

You will never see these people again

Start making friends

As soon as your appropriately kitted out in the, “I came to uni and all of a sudden I’m fun” uniform, head to the kitchen. For most people at Warwick, this is the central hub of their social life in Freshers’ Week. You will drink, cook, laugh, cry and most probably chunder together in this room for the next few weeks, get used to it.

Introduce yourself to your flatmates and be ready for the inevitable identical stream of questions “What do you study? Where do you live in the world? Are you going out tonight?” the answers to these questions forming the bedrock for any future relationships you will have. General university guidance when it comes to flatmates is that, you don’t shit where you eat. So try not to hook up with any of them, keep clean at least for Freshers’ Week, and any loud sex you plan on having better have a good story attached, otherwise it’s unacceptable.

Fresh

Of course if you really hate your flat, just move outside. It happens….

Don’t stress about anything

The Freshers’ Fair at Warwick is worth the half an hour you spend there, awkwardly bumping into people you sort of know or have just met. However, an abundance of free pizza and information about signing in does help to settle the nerves a little.

The first two night of Freshers’ Week will set the tone for the rest of it. You’ll go out with the rest of your flat, or people you knew from school. Don’t expect miracles, it’s not gonna be a sex fest for everyone. Some people will get lucky, but in the beginning, everyone’s a bit too nervous and is just testing the water. You would be surprised by how many people haven’t ordered a drink at a bar before arriving to Warwick.