How to spot each year in the library

It’s that time year when everyone’s loitering in the library in a desperate attempt to rescue their degree from the clutches of a 2:2 and bring it up to that coveted 2:1. First, second years and finalists alike are in a frenzy of revision and we’re all looking for people to unleash our anger on.

So with this handy guide you can pinpoint exactly who you’re angry at and cast assumptions about their entire year group as a result.

Freshers

Freshers are always easy to spot in the library. They usually look relatively well rested unless they’re hungover and seem to float around with the mantra “first year doesn’t count” reverberating from their strides. If you do see them in the library they’ll probably be religiously sticking to the tricks that worked in 6^th form such as desperately rewriting word for word textbooks in the hopes that it sticks in their mind. There’s probably some girl making a brightly coloured mind-map that she will discard in a few days time when she realises university revision is totally different. Although if you do point out that first year doesn’t count to any of them studying they’ll probably pull the “I have every right to be here” card even though, as a first year, we know we don’t.

Second years

Second years are the first people to moan about the fresh in the library because, in case they haven’t already told you, their exams actually count this year. They’re guzzling coffee faster than the pints they downed in first term and they’re starting to regret treating second year like first year until term three. Most of them seem vaguely dazed by the amount of work they have to do and they’ve forgotten how to study seeing as most of them did piss all for their first year exams and it’s finally catching up to them. They do still possess a little sanity though because it’s not like they’re finalists.

Third years

A third year in the library is like a lion in the wildlife, don’t approach it. These rare species are notably irritable and quick to “shh” anyone who even coughs in the quiet sections of the library. They usually have large drooping bags under their eyes from the all nighters they’ve been pulling to try and make up for three years of not working for their degree and suddenly they’ve all decided they want firsts rather than 2:1s which, given how little work they’ve done all year, seems a little unrealistic. They’re usually slightly demonic about seating and set up camp in the library at 7am ready to stay a good twelve hours at least with various cups of coffee keeping them going and a terrified look plastered across their face at all times at the prospect of actually having to leave uni.

Post-grads

You probably don’t notice post-grads in the library as they breeze through to pick up some ancient book they’ll read through in an evening with a large glass of red wine. Post-grads only ever wear hareem pants from their studies in India or tweed jackets and chinos so they feel like they’re adults. They always seem a little smug around exam time because they’ve been through this pain already and most of the ones doing PHDs are just adding more words their 150,000 words they’ve already written on 13^th century Spanish Literature. They’re usually hanging out in the mysterious “post-grad hub” but if you do spot them in the library they usually stand out, because they are significantly more ancient than anyone else in the room.