All the conversations you’ve overheard in the Smack smoking area

As if anyone goes out just for a cigarette

| UPDATED

The smoking area is always where the drama happens.

In the club the bass is way too loud to have any conversation more complex that “Tunnnnee” screamed in your friends ear. Here is the compiled list of all the conversations you overhear on a night out:

“Please, does someone have a lighter?”

…a Rizla, a filter, some baccy? You name it they are desperate to satisfy their nicotine craved lungs, and will ask anyone and everyone for help. Unless they vape of course.

“Lol, Alex has chunned! Wait, are you okay mate?”

One tequila too many, we’ve all been there. You still don’t want to have to watch them throw up though. However, it can be pretty entertaining to see them trying to hide from the bouncer so they don’t get kicked out.

“I love you so so much, we are going to be best friends forever”

Even though they met that night. The instant best friends who bonded over a love of sambuca shots and the fact the club loo had no toilet paper. They promise to be best friends for life and swap every social media under the sun, before inevitably never speaking again after that night.

“Wait, I don’t like that filter, it makes me look fat” 

The selfie kings and queens always have their pout on point. They spend the night searching for the perfect lighting, that kitsch filter and most importantly a snapchat story that makes it look like they’re having way more fun than they actually are.

“You are such a bitch Emma! How could you?”

The cat-fights. Which are probably about something  they will not be able to remember in the morning. Either way you have to hear the passive-aggressive digs and feel the tension as you try and enjoy the fresh air.

“It’s not you, it’s me…actually it is you”

The break- up. Maybe one of them was grinding a little too hard with that stranger or perhaps they’d been on the rocks for a while, either way this is not fun to witness. Tears will be shed, tempers will be lost and in the end you have to watch one of them drowning their sorrows at the bar an hour later.

“I want to get back with her, but I don’t think she feels the same way”

The DMC’s that always ends in tears. Never mix alcohol and feelings, it won’t end well.

“I don’t know where my life is going, I graduate in a month”

Or some other kind of existential crisis. They thought alcohol would numb the pain of reality, but now it is clearer than ever- they have no job, they have nowhere to live, and no life plan. All they have is debt.

“Can we please go? I need fried chicken” 

That will probably taste like regret in the morning.

“So, do you come here often?”

The chirpse, it’s everywhere. Run. Just run.

“Odds on that you *insert demoralising act here*”

“Shave your head”, “chat up that guy”, “drink that dirty pint”. You name it, they will dare someone to do it.