Things you’ll only get if you’ve lived in Whitefields

They don’t call it Shitefields for nothing


I have never met anyone who actually applied to Whitefields as their first choice of accommodation, and this is probably due to the fact that according to the rumours, Whitefields was supposed to be demolished several years ago. But Whitefields remains – probably to make Rootes dwellers feel better about their accommodation and to provide Bluebell students with a place to chain smoke out of the watchful eye of Mummy and Daddy when they visit.

These are some things you’d only know if you were unlucky to live in one of these weirdly angular “huts” that reside behind the SU.

Yes, they do resemble ‘shacks’

When you tell someone you live in Whitefields they tend to stare at you blankly and then ask if they’re the “huts” or “shacks” that always appear to be covered in condensation. Well, yes they are. Whitefields is totally different from any other accommodation on campus due to the fact you share a kind of “house-type-thing” (I believe that is the technical term) with 11 other students, yes you read that right, there are 12 students crammed into each block, desperately fighting over the one fridge they provide you with.

Everything seems to be broken

This is not comforting when you first move in to see that every single kitchen cupboard and drawer does not shut, because some drunk previous occupants have removed half the screws that hold the door on. In my first week alone, our toilet flooded the downstairs and we had to get an emergency plumber. In my second week one of my plug sockets gave me an electric shock, literally everything seems to be faulty.

There’s hardly ever any wifi

Or if there is it is absolutely terrible, hence every time you want to check Twitter you have to whack out that archaic looking Ethernet cable, or stand at the bottom of the stairs where for some inexplicable reason you can get 4G. The lack of wifi also means “Netflix and chill” is completely impossible, leading to desperate measures such as “crossword and chill”. Anyone? Please?

The rooms are always boiling

This is by far the worst thing about Whitefields – they are always steamed up. You will never be able to turn on your radiator because even without it you still feel like you should be investing in factor 50 sun cream.

Hot water pipes run through almost all of the rooms, so even without the radiator on the rooms are sweltering. You have to keep the the window open every night, no matter the time of year, with the hope that one day you may actually be able to sleep under your duvet.

The annoying thing about this is that if the window is left open, you can hear every drunken conversation, chunder and emotional chat about “what a bitch Emma is” as the Bluebell dwellers stagger back to their palaces after a night at Pop.

What’s up with the shape of the building?

The shape of the bedrooms is so inconvenient. Most rooms have at least nine faces to them for some reason, which will lead to you walking into walls when you wake up in the night in search of the loo, and also friends from other accommodations freaking out when they first walk in.

You can hear every single conversation/argument/sex session from next door because the walls are so thin

The walls are so thin you can hear your neighbour turning off their light switch at night, and if you can hear that just imagine what else you can hear. But despite all this everyone always compliments us on having quite snazzy curtains (they’re tartan), so that really makes up for the rest of the shortcomings to be honest.