Philosophy students don’t know much, but we know how to have fun

We drink to forget our lack of employment opportunities


Studying philosophy has made me unsure of my existence, question morality and lose my entire faith in democracy but I have learnt that if you don’t have a single lecture on Wednesday going out is pretty obligatory. Many of you might not have had the pleasure of going out with philosophy students, but you really should, because we’re probably the most fun students on campus.

Look how fun we are

We’re always spontaneous

Studying something with little employment prospects makes philosophy students totally shit at planning ahead. We’d rather just live in the moment than focus on our imminent future which means on a night out no one knows what could happen. We could start at Spoons for a few drinks and next thing we know we’re in Kasbah  a little confused but still thinking this is a great idea.

Another night? Why not?

We’re the most open-minded people you’ll ever meet

A philosophy student has to treat each argument with an unbiased and fair consideration, and that flows through into our music taste too. Dubstep? Reggae? Classical? Jazz? We’ll give it all a listen and probably say all are equally good because frankly coming to a serious conclusion about the value of anything is far too stressful for us.

We’re the best for deep chats

It’s 4am and you’re in Vialli’s for chips. The topics are obviously gonna get deep and when you want deep we’re the perfect people to talk to. You want to debate politics, religion, ethics, anything that is remotely controversial, we’re your people. We fucking love debates. Just don’t bring up whether we’re real or not because that’s just a totally pointless argument.

Discussing lyf

We don’t care what people think

Obviously we don’t, we do one of the most derided subject there is available. Every holiday it’s an endless barrage of “what are you gonna do with that?” by our extended family and we can’t help seeing the pain in our parents eyes when you talk about how you used to want to be a doctor.

So it means we’ve got pretty good an ignoring everyone judging us, so we have zero problem looking like an idiot in the middle of Smack and we don’t judge you for throwing up on our shoes on the way home.

We never start fights

The key thing about philosophy students is they chat a lot of shit without acting ever. Genuine confrontation terrifies us so if someone starts getting rowdy we’re likely to just agree and run away on the pretence they aren’t being logical anyway.

We basically have no work to do

Now this isn’t strictly true, in fact whilst I’m writing this I have a 3500 word essay due in three days that I’m only half way through but realistically if we’re out, we’re out. We’re not gonna half ass our nights out just for an essay that we’ll probably do the night before and end up coming to the conclusion that morality is totally meaningless and we should abandon it all. So you’ll never get a philosophy student leaving Pop straight after circling to go work, we’ll be there all night long.

We don’t have early lectures so are always up for going out

Going hard

My earliest is a 10am and that’s a rarity, I don’t think I’ve ever heard of a philosophy student having a 9am and you means we’re staying out for the long haul. Especially because everyone knows our favourite parts is the 4am deep chats we have as everyone starts to sober up.

We love our course more than anyone else

Lovin’ it

Most people who do philosophy love the entire subject, no parents pressure someone into studying philosophy (trust me) so we’re all studying it by choice. We enjoy our lectures (well except the ones we’re hungover in) and although writing the essays are a bitch there is something somewhat enjoyable in doing so. This means that we’re happy and happy people are more fun on nights out.

So all in all it seems pretty clear that philosophy students are the most fun to go out with even if they don’t do a real subject. But then again, what does “real” even mean? You know?