How to not get kicked out of Smack

Spitting on the dance floor isn’t a good idea


Annoying a bouncer is a sure fire way to end your night out prematurely. You might regret going to Smack, but the only way to regret it even more is by getting yourself kicked out.

If you don’t already know not to be rude, kick off at other people or stumble around in shoes you can’t even walk in, then there may be no hope for you. But here’s some extras to avoid.

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Lose the attitude

Even a hint of attitude will get you kicked out. Also, in an instance when the bouncer is rude to you, don’t retaliate by calling him a balding twat and throw a drink at him, or you will be barred for life as one girl in second year is.

Don’t stare at the bouncers

Apparently staring competitions are not appreciated when you’re queuing for downstairs. My flatmates got shown out with no questions asked.

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Keep a five metre radius away from any fists flying in the air

One minute you’re having the time of your life, cutting shapes on the d floor and the next you’re being accused of starting World War III. Don’t try to break it up, only to get hit yourself and consequently thrown out the door.

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Don’t fall asleep

Many have decided to take a snooze in the back of the club, by those weird glass cube chair things and they have all been thrown out. Evidently tactical naps aren’t allowed in Smack.

Don’t sniff anyone’s hair and ask what shampoo they use

You read that right. A good friend got kicked out for asking a girl what shampoo she uses. She told on him and the bouncer considered it unacceptable. Find good chat up lines, and use them instead of coming across like a weirdo. This might be acceptable to locals, but not to you.

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Don’t spit on the dance floor

Someone did this and was forced to clear the floor with a mop and bucket. It was a hilarious spectacle as he was cleaned the dancefloor in front of everyone there. You could just use the toilet, or not spit at all.

Locate the toilet and use the toilet

A friend’s brother came up to visit him at uni. He was so drunk that he started urinating against a wall. You’re never likely to get away with that, and this guy didn’t either. He was swiftly removed, mid wee, urine all down his leg and most likely barred.

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