Killer Geese return to campus in biggest swarm yet

Just when you thought you were safe


It’s been almost two years since students were terrorised by a pair of geese.

Clearly they’ve just been biding their time, because now they’re back – and back in force.

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Goosey goosey gander, wander into our courtyard

Canadian geese have laid eggs in the Humanities courtyard in a sneaky attempt to infiltrate us from within.

While the young goslings are cute, we urge readers not to forget the attack of 2013 outside Lakeside, where multiple students were chased down the path by angry goose parents.

They even blocked cars from dropping off helpless freshers.

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Stand-off between bird and car

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And it’s not only geese who want to take over campus.

The campus swans were embroiled in a racist storm that shocked the uni last year and have also attacked students in the past.

They mainly targeted foreign students forcing uni bosses to erect a fence to defend against the invasion.

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Always watching

The birds are back, and now they have a plan. Some students have already been taken in, feeding the new goose family from the Humanities cafe.

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In the same day, ducks were spotted setting up camp outside Costa. Clearly, there is a campus-wide conspiracy.

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Recon ducks spreading through campus

Tamanna Rahman claims to have seen ducks all over campus: near Tesco, outside Cryfield – it seems they have eyes everywhere.

She said: “These birds seriously run Warwick.”

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