Dear freshers, you can’t begin to understand the meaning of a hangover yet

Freshers, you may think you’re the conquer of the Kopparberg, Viking of VK, ruler of rosé, prince of pints but just wait until you grow up a little.

You may claim to spend every night out, knocking back pints on pints in an effort to impress your new flat mates without even a second thought about what the morning will bring because well, it probably won’t bring much.

Only the most unlucky fresh may wake up with a slight head ache or murmuring stomach and still manage to get back in the game for another night of excess. The week may end but the unwarranted drinking and lack of hangovers doesn’t, until you reach second year.

pig shite

You wake up smelling and feeling like pig shite with either beer or sweat (or worse) coating your previously perfect hair.

Then the crippling hangover kicks in. Now I know we’ve all experienced the post New Year’s Eve hangover but for second years and above this degree of queasiness occurs way too often.

A blanket of nausea cocoons itself around you, only made a million times worse by the savage beer guilt as you attempt to remember which one of your mates you got off with the night before and ponder where your keys are. Forget about the banter of a  first year hungover lecture, you’ll be lucky to not be sick on yourself as you binge watch Peep Show and mourn your lack of hanging fresher self.

By now you probably live in the city rather than on campus so have access to a medicine McDonalds but good luck convincing one of your equally hungover flatmates to do the honourable thing, take one for the team and pick up an embarrassing amount Big Macs and strawberry milk shakes.

This is assuming you can stomach to eat anything at all. The chunder chart on your halls kitchen wall will absolutely be put to shame. Don’t be fooled, one morning sick will not be the only hurl that you encounter that day. Afternoon and even before bed throw ups may occur.

The moral of the story is rinse it while you still can, fresher.