How ‘Warwick’ are you?
‘Why are the road works still going on?’
Do you prefer Grumpy Mule or Costa Coffee?
It’s term three, so it’s time to assess whether you’re really Warwick material.
Did you hear about that time when Warwick won University of the year? Of course you did. It’s all we ever talk about. Our achievements are better than any other Uni.
You must boast endlessly about the achievements of your University.
Remember: You study here because it’s the top in the universe for your course.
And you are going to do better than all of your other friends because Warwick has the highest graduate success rate in the entire galaxy.
Warwick only breeds winners. Deal with it. If you don’t think you are a winner, or you’ve never for a second thought you are better than somebody else, then you aren’t quite a Warwick student.
No one has ever explained why, but Warwick students just can’t stand Coventry Uni. You just end up disliking them through no control of your own.
You may have got with a Covo that one time at Kasbah, but it was just the alcohol. It isn’t love and you still hate them all, okay?
Do you think there’s hope for cov-woz relations to improve? Then you just aren’t Warwick enough.
It recently surfaced that Warwick has about 12 good looking people.
But we also have good looking naked rowers. You don’t know how you feel about this. Do you like them? Do you think they’re annoying? But they’re doing it for charity, can you really dislike them? When are you going to meet Kris Jenner?
If you aren’t in a perpetually confused love-hate mind set when it comes to the rowers, then you cannot call yourself a Warwick student.
You must complain once about international students. Those loud whispers you hear on the 4th floor of the library? Most likely Erasmus.
Those cool people who party at Toast? You’re not as interesting as them, they’re from Dubai. Most of the residents of Bluebell? International.
Eventually, you make an effort to get to know them, you realise they’re actually normal humans. You’ll definitely end up great friends. Not got at least one cool international friend? Not Warwick enough mate.
We only really have swans and ducks. “Wildlife” is definitely a stretch.
But the Warwick swans made big headlines last year, for their racist behaviour. Even though it turns out they were angry because they were laying eggs, we don’t care. We’ll probably try to milk this for as long as we can.
Did you lol at the outrageous amount of press the swans got? Did you share the articles to Facebook? If you didn’t, then you can’t qualify to be a Warwick student.
Why are the road works still going on?
Why is our beloved Costcutter the Rootes Grocery Store now?
Why do Curiositea take so long?
Is he French?
Why is Westwood so far away?
If you haven’t complained about something being shit on campus, then you can’t be a Warwick student.
You circle faithfully with your sports team, drink way too much purple and then question your actions the following day.
You went to Pop once during freshers’ week and don’t understand why it is popular. It’s by far the worst thing you’ve ever been to.
Finally, did you scoff in disgust at Smack being voted a top nightclub? Well done. You are definitely a Warwick student.
If you satisfy 3 or less of these categories, then transfer to Coventry.
If you got 5 or more, then congrats, you are Warwick enough to be at Warwick.