Surviving alone in your Uni flat over the holidays

For anyone at uni who isn’t vaguely local, getting back home over the holidays can be a real bastard. So suddenly you’re abandoned in your ten bed flat, alone for a week. What the fuck are you meant to do?

Sing

Embrace your guilty pleasures and blare S Club 7 to fill the emptiness of your heart and house. It’ll distract you from the creepy silence.

The only people I have left to talk to.

Get naked

You don’t need that towel for the shower any more. Or the kitchen. Wander around starkers, there’s no one to traumatise.

Goodbye, flannel prison. I am one with nature now.

Clean

Some student flats require a mandatory tetanus shot. Make the most of those messy bastards leaving and try to salvage what’s left of your security deposit.

Sanitary.

Study

Theoretically, without your flatmates distracting you, you could pause Netflix, get out of bed, and go to the library.

And she never moved again.

Get Nosy

So your flatmates have locked their rooms, it’s like they don’t trust you… But you’ll at least have access to their kitchen cupboards to see what weird shit they’ve stockpiled. And if anyone asks, you’re definitely going to replace everything you ‘borrowed’.

How much ketchup can you own before it gets weird?

Security

Every creak in your house will probably set your adrenaline coursing. Watch some home defence videos on YouTube. Maybe procure a hockey stick.

Armed and dangerous.

Count the days

As much as you relish your freedom, you’ll inevitably be counting the days until your flatmates come back. Because as noisy/messy/annoying as they can be, you love them really.

Come back, you dicks.