It’s official: Nigel Thrift and Cecillia Jastrzembska are 2015’s Ultimate Warwick Tens
Was there ever any competition
The votes have been counted and verified and we can reveal Nigel Thrift and Cecilia Jastrzembska are this year’s official Ultimate ‘Warwick Tens’.
We did a little digging to find out who voted for them, and why.
Nigel ‘Cop-Me-Off’ Thrift has been named the hottest man on Warwick Campus. Unfortunately, we couldn’t get an interview with Nige. Rumour has it he is too modest.
We did, however, manage to speak to the press department from Warwick University. On his victory, they said: “We have no view on it.”
As he is such a hush-hush celeb, we turned to his fan group for some article content, and asked his fans, ‘The Little Nigels’, why they felt he deserved the win:
Scott Miles, a Discrete Maths fresher, said: “It’s definitely the thought of his dirty talk. He can call me a yob anytime he wants.”
Second year English student Phil Lawson said: “It’s got to be the Human Geography knowledge. He won’t even need a map to work his way around my body.”
For Second year Sociology student Faith Thompson it’s all about the scandal for the Thrift appeal. She said: “He’s hit more news headlines this year than the Kardashians. I love his fame, his aura, his sultry air of apathy. He can put his Vice in my Chancellor any time he wants.”
Second place – Perry Campion
Perry said: “I got quite a lot of votes – there can’t be that many people in the football team so I’d like to thank men’s hockey for voting for me as well.”
Warwick’s most glamourous and ambitious lady was chuffed with her win.
She said: “Thank you to those who voted, congratulations to all, I know a lot of girls who I think should have been on there though! Its flattering but I take it very lightheartedly because, even if it were true, genetic inheritance is not something you autonomously choose or earn and aesthetic conventions are subjective and paradigmatic.”
She commented on how it is important, ultimately, to value personality and achievement over aesthetics.
She said: “I used to work as a model for Abercrombie and Fitch and to be honest as charismatic and goodlooking as they were I could not have dated any of them because they were too shallow.
“Obviously psychologically it’s great to dress well and look good, and the increased confidence is attractive. But I’m a sapiosexual and take personality over looks every time. Looks fade, whilst internal beauty and integrity does not, and that’s what ultimately matters.”
She thanked her parents for her genes and finally said: “I’m very much looking forward to my date with Thrifty.”
Second place – Georgie Wedge
The stunning Georgie was too modest to comment.