Warwick Wolves: ‘We will make Coventry Jets weep at Varsity’

It’s that time of year again, Ladies and Gentlemen, when we see Darwin’s theory of the Survival of the Fittest in its full glory; when the lions among men are revealed; when over-dramatic promotion videos of various sports clubs are posted all over Facebook. 

Brace yourselves, Varsity is upon us – the only time we can get away with saying how shit Coventry students are without being beaten up.

Blue Steelin’

The Wolves have been under an intense physical and psychological training programme in preparation for their Varsity game this Sunday.

“We have been training nine hours a week in preparation for the game” says Tom Wegerich; “This is business, not pleasure.”

Don’t just play the game – be the game

The lads have been training to make sure that they will keep up their winning streak, as the Coventry Jets failed to score AT ALL last year and the Wolves have only ever lost once, which is “an experience we don’t want to repeat” according to the boys.

It’s not only intense physical training the boys have put themselves under – they’ve got their heads in the game and are ready to psyche out the other team.

The boys like to get up close and personal

“We will pick them apart” says George Roberts. “We’ll send the Jets back to where they belong: the scrapyard – but that would be complimenting Coventry too much.”

The boys won’t want to get too much on the wrong side of the Jets though – apparently one player has been rejected from playing this year because they headbutted an opponent. Come on Cov, don’t hate the player, hate the game.

You can see the Warwick Wolves v Coventry Jets American football game this Sunday at 1 at Westwood Heath.