Cold Confessions

The Tab sent Fi Smart into the cold to find out what desperate measures Warwick students have gone to in order to stay warm.

Adam is so cold he has to “eat all of Costcutter to gain insulation”.

Laura is so cold she has to “actually attend seminars for the heating”.

Genevieve is so cold she has had to “miss all my lectures and stay under the covers”.

Phil is so cold he has had to “masturbate furiously. I’ve already done it twice already today”.

Lucy is so cold she has had to “start actually following the advice of WikiHow”.

Charlie is so cold he has had to “become a ‘hugger'”.

Lien is so cold she has had to “start wearing not so sexy bed socks”.

Alick is so cold he has had to “sleep with three first years to use their heating”.

Harry is so cold he has had to “constantly ride the sweaty U1 until I warm up”.

This dolphin, who wishes to remain anonymous, is so cold it has had to “do unseemly things for charity so that they will let me wear this toasty costume”.

Will you sleep with Alick or fork out on heating? Desperate times call for desperate measures in a student (impoverished) Winter.