Sesh unchained

Rock hard abs, oiled up bodies and wailing netball freshers…rugby players auction their services

netball freshers slave auction warwick rugby

Friday night saw UWRFC’s annual slave auction at Kelsey’s Bar. With pledges of rock hard abs, oiled up bodies and wailing netball freshers, The Tab went to investigate.

Through a series of increasingly debauched routines, the club members advertised their services for one night only to the netball girl with the richest Daddy.

Some acts featured participants ‘sending’ bottles of wine. Whether or not it was alcoholic only they know.

The idea of such decadence: to raise money for Rugby Tour.

Following a shameless online publicity campaign, the club amassed hundreds of pounds for their tour fund through 13 different acts.

7 players were raffled off after refusing to be subjected to objectification by the estrogen fueled hordes.

Hundreds of hours of preparation went into the performances

Acts included a full monty from the second year rugby boys who spoke of a ‘struggle to tame their Vialli’s driven weight problems’ prior to the event. Afo Olowolafe, more famous for internship success than shredded abs, described how a healthy balance between gym preparations and BarCap applications lead to a successful routine.

With a ham-fisted tribute to Boyz2Men and R Kelly, he sold as a collective lot with Luke Macklin and Elliot Hodges for a staggering £55. Clearly the girls saw nothing wrong with a little Bump ‘n’ Grind.

Campus renown gay rights campaigners

Georgie Simpson, who purchased the ‘One Pound Fish’ tribute act of Vinay Rawal for a healthy £20, claimed she was a ‘sassy and impulsive girl’ who was attracted to him by his ‘campus hottie’ reputation.

In an act which will surely draw criticism from Student Welfare officer, Ben Sundell, six clubmen emulated the infamous Leeds University ‘Man vs Booze’ videos. Among other beverages, they downed a jug of purple and 750ml of whiskey. The reaction from bidders mirrored that of the stomachs of the clubmen; forcefully expelling all offending items.

After their promo video went viral with over 160 facebook likes, the runaway success of the night was the ‘camp german life partners’ double act of Sam Hardy and James Wright, who sold for a slave auction record of £87.

The act featured risqué choreography, provocative clothing and climaxed in a shower of Belvedere vodka which will be sure to drive campus ‘Make Poverty History’ activists into a frenzy.

Warwick pride eat your heart out (and GOIFO)

Not just a dance routine, the rich characterization led to impromptu audience interaction. The crowd was whipped into hysteria on hearing James Wright say, ‘you know boys, coming out the closet would be so much easier if my wardrobe wasn’t so fabulous’.

James Wright told The Tab that he hoped his camp performance would ‘empower self conscious campus homosexuals to be confident in their own skin.’

When asked why the proceeds of this event were not going to charity, Sam Hardy responded by saying ‘charity starts at home, and I don’t have everything I want yet’.

The squeals and purrs of delight heard from the new masters at the end of the auction suggest that despite facing vicious criticism from Anti-Slavery campaigners, the event was a resounding success.

Check The Tab tomorrow for the Pick Me videos…